The last article of Anne Lamont's that I respected and liked was about Charlie Conners - it was wonderful.

You put a dog together with a person whose center is in near-ruins and the dog loves that person like a rock, often becomes in fact that person's rock.

So Brian and Diane got loved like that by this sweet, worried little old man of a boy, in a dappled dog suit

http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/lamo/1999/06/24/dog/index.html

I was alone in the stink-hole carpet store where I work, once again ignored and left to rot by the obnoxious jerk that runs the place, the SOB that hasn't paid me in five weeks. I was looking at the green moldy carpet remnant that needed to be hauled to the dumpster, when I noticed a middle aged hippy dippy chick with a saccharine smile on her face, getting out of her car and looking at the same moldy piece of shit. I was expecting her to bitch at me about leaving our garbage out in plain view and littering up her beautiful world when she said "this would be perfect for my church!"

Great, just what I need today: a menopausal hippy dippy moron who is part of some wacko new-age church. I was about to tell her to take it away when she started blathering on and on about her church and the kids and blah blah blah - Christ she stood there for like 10 minutes going on an on, so impressed with herself that she was going to get this carpet for her church. Finally she said "How much do you want for it?"

Did this moron just offer to pay for our garbage? She didn�t even unroll the damn thing to see what condition it was in! You gotta be kidding me. I sure needed the money, since I hadn't been paid in awhile. "$50", I said, expecting her to talk me down to $25. "OK", she said. I should have gone for a hundred.

The next day, some other hippy dippy weirdo comes rambling in with said remnant and complains that it's moldy. No kidding! It's been sitting outside for at least a week, and it WAS garbage, after all. Then she asks for the $50 back! I sure as hell can't give her a store refund, since that $50 went straight to my pocket and was used to fill my fridge. I made up some nonsense about needing a receipt and having to talk to the accountant, and she left. I hauled the remnant to the dumpster in the back and went back to my exciting day of sitting and staring out the window. God it stinks in here, all this cheap carpet and the dampness and mold. I need to get a new job.

A few hours later the weirdo that bought the carpet comes wandering in demanding her $50. Huh? WTF is going on here? I wanted to get rid of her, so I told her that I gave the money to her friend. Jesus, I don�t need this grief.

The next day some old dude, who clearly thinks he is a Big Threatening Man, but whose better days never came, comes wandering in and demanding the $50. I said "dude, your friend came in here and bought a smelly old remnant from me for $50. I spent the money on food. I cannot give her a store refund, cuz I kept the money. What she bought was headed for the garbage. Sorry, I know I should have just given it to her. I don't have the money, and if you guys keep this up, I'm gonna get fired". He shrugged and walked out.

The next day the crazy bitch comes back again, this time forgetting the church bullshit and screaming "give me my fucking $50!" I was terrified. She really looked like one extremely insane woman. I wrote her a check. Great, so now I gotta go borrow some dough and get it into my checking account before she tries to cash this thing. I locked up the store and left, borrowed $75 from my brother, and headed back to work. When I got there, I found a bunch of flowers, a note of apology, and the un-cashed check. Wow, she really is insane! But at least she might actually leave me alone now.

Just then the phone rings, and it's her again! Holy shit! GO AWAY lady! She apologizes again and hangs up.

I thought it was all over until I stumbled on this pathetic essay at Salon.

I know that we're angry. I'm angry. I'm mad at a leader who lied to get us into a war out of which nothing good will come except for enrichment of those already wealthy beyond measure. I'm mad that the Bill O'Reillys, Rush Limbaughs, and Jerry Falwells of the nation have such an audience. I'm mad at certain Christians too: the ones in Kansas who think religious belief is science, the ones who want to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body, the ones who think it's okay to disciminate based on sexual-orientation. But venting your anger at Anne Lamott for writing a column in which, *gasp*, she invokes the name of God, lacks the nuance we all said that John Kerry understood but George Bush did not. There are differences between Christians. They are not all pro-life, enlightenment-hating, New Deal-ending Republicans. So please don't take out your anger at the face of Christianity we see in the media on Anne Lamott. She's one of us; she just happens to be a Christian too.

The point is that "god" has nothing to do with carpet. Those who rolled their eyes at Anne were rolling them because she told us she thought she should be treated better at the carpet store BECAUSE she was a christian, because the carpet was for a christian church. THAT is offensive and I will shun that holier0-than-thou attitude.

and also,

being a Christian would not make you handle the situation any better.

Being a smart consumer would save you.

Duh lady, unroll the carpet before you buy it, who on earth wouldn't do that? Pay with a credit card so you can contest the payment. Have ONE person deal with the manager, not three.

Some sensible consumer tactics would save you more than a bible would. While you're citing scripture, the smart girl used her head and looked at what she was buying. She took control of her own destiny instead of leaving it all is god's hands and wringing her hands when things go wrong. The real lesson is when we have to act and accept responsibility for our own actions instead of copping out and blaming everything on god.

It's a made-up story anyway, who on earth would buy a discount carpet without looking at it first? I don't believe any of it.