... every one of those 50-70 percent. They should be aware of their state laws regarding commonlaw marriage.

In many states, any couple who has lived together more than 6 months is married according to common law. The longer you're cohabiting, the more grounds you have for suing for divorce and getting or giving up half of everything, even if there's been no marriage ceremony.

It's not simply that "marriage isn't just a piece of paper" -- often it's not even a piece of paper to begin with.

The world is becoming one big Maury show.

-- NP NP

Based on the minuscule number of people who end up in a courtroom? I'm thinkin' the world is a bit bigger than stuffy rooms.

Strikingly broad application of anecdotal information submitted by an unsoiled and patronizing NP.

Marriage is still important in Feminism since so many women are still getting screwed by participating in traditional relationships. That's the "who's screwing who" issue in marriage.

Loved the "...that every person have a marital cross to bear for all of eternity, rather than that people find personally fulfilling partnerships in whatever form they come."

Any court; hearings, county, superior. 90% of the people there are living with but are not married to, their mates. The world is becoming one big Maury show.

What I love about Marxists is their obvious intelligence and facility with the English language, coupled with their utter separation from reality. It's as if they all spend so much time with their noses buried in ideological tracts that they have zero idea of how real people operate in real life.

Commit to something. Despite all of the above, you will be stronger together.

-- sageoctober

Marriage is proof of commitment?

Tell me, outside of a legal slip of paper granted you by your government what about marriage is different than 'shacking up' for thirty years or more?

Friends are often committed for entire lifetimes. People commit to animals until the sad end.

Since when does marriage define commitment?

It costs too much to buy a house in a neighborhood where you dare venture out at night.

Daycare is sometimes a partner's entire paycheck.

Young people are saddled with massive student loans.

We have almost no social safety net. Workers are laid off at will. Explain that to your weepy 8 months pregnant wife.

People have bought into a notion that the temporary insanity of that first rush of romantic love is "the real thing" so they keep changing partners chasing that high, like crackheads running down a $10 rock.

All commercial entertainment shows all casual hookups as perfect and hot(sans the hairy backs, flatulence and issues that my single friends report). Married sex is portrayed as dull. (Never mind that the marrieds I know actually are swinging from the chandeliers).

We are all going to get old and die. We are going to need help. We are going to want someone around who remembers what we looked like, at 24 in the miniskirt, when we are 85. You might want to start working past your differences now. Commit to something. Despite all of the above, you will be stronger together. It is noble, as long are your eyes are as wide open as your heart.

Any statistical data or other "findings" generated by focus groups meeting in church basements should be similarly viewed with suspicion.

-- grmorrison

Ahhhh, no. Focus groups like these operate within the walls of polished professionalism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Focus_on_the_Family_Welcome_Center_by_David_Shankbone.jpg

That thar aint' no basement.

Psychologists have long been involved in serving up a crackpot stew of dubious "social science" and typical of the genera are bogus statistics such as the one you quote here, "50% of marriges that begin as live-ins fail!?" This "statistic" was publicised by a rightwing Washington think tank called the Family Reaserch Council. This organizations founder, Dr. James Dobson was the crankcase psychologist who made a name for himself in the 1980's advocating the physical and emotional abuse of children. His theory of violently abusive parenting was considered a model by many on the right. This highly unscientific "theory" of child rearing was considered optimal by Dobson for producing adults who would serve the movement as mindless and obedient Christian soldiers. He has never been charged in connection with any of the abuse cases that resulted from parents following his deranged advice.

Any statistical data or other "findings" generated by focus groups meeting in church basements should be similarly viewed with suspicion.

...Tracy, I have read that couples who live together before getting married have a much higher divorce rate (something like 50% more) than those who do not live together before marriage.

I know this article is about not ever getting married, but could you, or someone who knows, please comment on this statistic?

I'm sorry that I can't provide a source right now. I'm just hoping that someone else who has also read this might have an enlightened opinion about it.

Thanks. :-)

I have no intention of ever getting married again. I will not cohabitate (shack up) with a man either. After my huband died, I decided that dating was one rejection after another and marriage was not going to happen for me. I found out that I was infertile and did not want children anyway. I realized that I don't need to be married to support myself. I am well educated and have an advanced degree which in my racial group makes me unsuitable as a date or a marriage partner anyway. If I want sex, there are ways to get it that don't involve a white dress and a wedding band. If I happen to meet a nice man that I am compatible with, that's okay. I will keep my home and he can keep his. In today's economy, traditonal marriage is and outmoded institution. Young people today know that and don't care. It is only the wingnuts and the fundies that want to keep the illusion going that marriage is a viable institution. In my experience and that of a lot of women in my situation, it isn't.