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Saturday, July 11, 2009 12:00 AM

Shacking up, not settling down

Horrors! Young couples are moving in together without plans for marriage

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  • Friday, July 10, 2009 07:38 PM

    marriage is too a commitment for some

    suspenddisbelief, what do you mean marriage doesn't signify commitment? Just because people get divorced doesn't mean that some of us aren't getting married because we feel that sense of commitment. Most people seem to want to get married out of a sense of commitment, even if in the long run they can't carry it off. I lived with my husband before we got married. Like a lot of people in the survey, we wanted to be together but we weren't ready to be married. When we were ready to make a bigger commitment, we tied the knot. It was part of a continuum of commitment for us.

    I made him a promise, and he made one to me, and 16 years later we're still committed. Perfectly fine for others to do it other ways, in my opinion. But, why do you think so many gay and lesbian folks want the right to get married? I expect there are a number of motivations, but among them is the desire to make a commitment. That's why several of my friends have had "commitment ceremonies" in place of the state-sanctioned ceremonies they've been denied.

    You can be committed without the ceremony, but for some of us the ceremony really does symbolize something important. Someone else's divorce does nothing to cheapen my commitment, any more than the right of gay people to get married threatens heterosexual marriage.

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