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Tuesday, July 7, 2009 12:00 AM

Sarah Palin, one tough mama

She may not be humble or politically savvy. But the governor is a rare political species: A strong maternal woman

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Tuesday, July 7, 2009 05:32 AM

One tough mama alright.

Most of us women who see her endless narcissism, public use of her children at every turn, her older children taking care of the younger while she is endlessly posing for pictures and issuing wingnut statements, do NOT see this woman as 'WOMAN' or 'MAMA'.

Tough, ruthless, needy and endessly self centered, yes.

One can only pity her family though they are getting rich off her antics.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 05:32 AM

Fortini / Broadsheet editing part 2

Perhaps this was because -- Author distances self from her own theory here.

since the mid-'60s, the divorce rate has risen dramatically (increasing, according to some statistics, by almost 40 percent in the last 40 years) -- "since the mid='60s" and "in the last 40 years" are redundant to anybody who can do math; cut latter / Also, why not cite source of statistics?

Perhaps this was because ... so many of us ... were raised by single mothers This is an odd theory for why Palin hit nerve; any evidence Palin appealed more to children of single mothers than to children of married parents? What about children of single fathers (they do exist)?

so many of us of voting age in this country were raised by single mothers -- No reason for "in this country" (reader should know from context that U.S. is where Palin hit a nerve)

de facto presidents of their own households -- Cut "own" because what other households would they be in? / "de facto" is unnecessary for simile, unless you're worried reader is too stupid to understand some mild cleverness

Maybe it's that for most people -- More distancing via "maybe" / You could cut "it's that" with no loss of meaning here.

one's mother is the ur-model of capability -- Why "ur-model"? There are already too many trendy terms throughout this essay.

the only person you can imagine running a country while folding the laundry and preparing dinner and disciplining multiple kids -- Here's the 2nd instance of a beat-poet "x and y and z" structure / Aren't "kids" always "multiple"? / Overstates argument about multitasking

Maybe Palin's emphasis on motherhood made her relatable. -- Another "maybe" in an essay full of "maybe," "perhaps," "one might argue," etc. / Plus this sentence is redundant to previous point; could be cut with no loss of meaning.

unexpectedly turned out to be a potent political archetype for our era. = cut "for our era" (what other era would it be for?)

Like a scientist in a laboratory -- Cut "in a laboratory" or shorten to "lab scientist," unless you think your readers are too stupid to form a mental image without every detail explained.

who accidentally spills a substance to create a viable chemical compound, Palin seemed to stumble upon her viable political persona. -- This is a questionable metaphor because it suggests Palin "spilled something" by being a mother. (Palin's children are "accidents"?)

(I criticized Letterman before Palin went on her media rampage.) -- What is significance of this parenthetical other than author tooting her horn?

when a Democratic blogger superimposed an image -- Does this blogger not have a name? Are you shielding the person's name for some reason, or too lazy to look it up?

(in an apparent effort to show how cozy the host was with Palin) -- Why "apparent" unless there is doubt about blogger's intention? / Change "was with Palin" to "is with Palin" unless they had a falling-out over the past few days.

Palin issued a statement that blasted -- Here's another example of unnecessary wordiness; you could easily change to "Palin blasted" or "Palin issued a statement blasting"

"has become an iconic representation of a mother’s love for a special needs child" (as though it is our contemporary Pieta) -- Wait a minute here...PIETA??? Is Trig dead?! Brush up on your art history -- try Madonna & Child.

Palin's response to them seemed to lack all sense of proportion -- "Seemed to"? Why does author keep distancing herself from her own judgments? / Also, you could cut "to them" without loss of meaning.

...John P. Coale, a Washington lawyer who has advised Palin, told the Washington Post, by way of explanation. -- Why say "by way of explanation"? This is completely unnecessary, unless you think the reader will be confused as to what Coale's intention was for his statement.

"She said, 'It brought out the mama grizzly in me.' " While this may be true... -- Huh? The metaphor may be true, as in Palin being an actual grizzly? A little finessing could have fixed this possible misinterpretation of what you meant by "true."

She was too quirky, too green, maybe even too daft. -- "Daft" is a (trendy) British term meaning crazy. This essay does not provide lead-up to an assertion that Palin is crazy, even if author couches assertion with "may have been"

And the family she constantly invoked may have just been way too large and too unruly -- The softening of "may have been" followed by the emphasis of "way too large and too unruly" does not compute. OWN YOUR JUDGMENTS.

...what with the teenage pregnancy and breakup, the baby-daddy's mom in trouble for Oxycontin and the baby with special needs. -- This desperately needs a comma! It reads as though author's saying the baby-daddy's mom is in trouble for the baby with special needs. (Again, this is rudimentary stuff -- WHERE THE SKUNK IS THE BROADSHEET EDITOR?)

Maybe she couldn't handle it herself, but it will surely survive as a meme. -- Split infinitive of "surely" dividing up "will survive" / Note also that "meme" is a horribly trendy term, but if you have to use it, at the very least you could have found a way to alliterate "meme" and "mom" to pull together the ideas of your essay.

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Sorry for all this, but I wanted to be thorough to show exactly how voluminous the problems are in this essay. It isn't just a few little things -- it's a sentence-by-sentence lack of attention to craftsmanship, both by the writer and the editor. I do not wish to hurt Fortini's feelings, but if she wants to get better as a writer, these criticisms are worth examining. As for the Broadsheet editors, you aren't doing your writers any favors by putting their work online without streamlining their work. Running a spell-check is not editing.

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