Not quite sure what you mean when you say:

"Is it really a good idea to post under the name of a real person from your past?"

Rebecca White isn't somebody from my past, it is indeed who I am. Sure, I hope I don't get tons of nasty calls and whatnot, but since there are a couple thousand of us in the country, I'm not real worried about it.

Honey, where you been? Lying isn't the only alternative, and indeed for me it's not one at all. Haven't you heard of polyamory? Even beyond that relatively organized type of open relationship, there are many many people out there who want this or at least are willing to try it. True, it's not for everybody, but if that's what you want, it's not that hard to find it. If I ever get married again, exclusivity will definitely be up for discussion - I've done both and I really think it just depends on the combination of people involved.

that are TRULY OK with it when THEY are the ones who have it bad for someone. That said I don't have a better answer other than every pair of "soulmates" finding each other which admittedly isn't realistic either.

True, but those types are easy to spot. What's more difficult is separating reality from wishful thinking and, of course, the desire to blame others to minimize our responsibility for things turning out badly.

I wrote on another thread about a friend who'd lost a lot of money in her divorce since she was the breadwinner and they lived a good life. After it was all over and she'd made her last spousal support payment to a remarried ex while she continued to search for Mr. Right, she confided to me that "J and I would still be together if his parents hadn't constantly harped on his lack of success." Huh?

I know them and I have no doubt there is a bit of that. But I think her own affair with a man who had all the qualities her husband lacked, he was hard driving, he was successful, he was a schmoozer, had a lot more to do with it. That was what destroyed her husband's sense of self-worth.

I would have been more sympathetic if she had instead told me, "I didn't know what to do. My parents had thrown this big wedding and no one in my generation had divorced. We were supposed to have advanced up the learning curve having watched so many marriages in our parents' generation fail in a changing social environment. I wasn't ready to admit failure, or even my own unhappiness, and I made a bad choice." OK.

I have had contracts with all my marriages. People have a devil of a time living up to such contracts. I think we are still relying on old forms of marriage and child rearing the terms of which are being taken for granted as roles we must play, in marriage, regardless of reality. But contracts can be better than traditional marriage assumptions. You Tarzan, you my Jane. Skunk butts.

Look at Sanford. How much pain would it take to make a person betray his wife, his lover, his children, his hard-won governorship, and his chance to run for the presidency of the United States? What's wrong with this picture? There is precious little love and comfort in this life. Joint parenting can be handled. No body is going to heaven. Dump the mediaeval (Sic.) self-righteous nag. She's laying a number on him.

Everybody Else, make good contracts.