I think sex is just sex. I'm hoping this article means more couples are coming to that conclusion.

I wouldn't care if my wife had a sexual tryst. Why would I? I know she loves me, and we've been through enough together that she could have left long ago if she wanted to. It's not like she'd suddenly become soiled or less attractive.

Now, if she did that and then had a problem with me getting a little on the side, then that would be hypocrisy - which is a far worse offense than "adultery" to my mind.

If she had a love affair, then that is a bit different. If she's happier with someone else, I certainly would not want to be second fiddle. I'd want her to go with the other fellow.

As I say - I'm an oddball. I'm probably quite incorrect about what this article means. But I can hope.

Which raises the question: If they REALLY WANT to be together why would they be freaking out?

marriage seems very appealing but also very constraining...to exist in this pair-bonded state where other people are off limits in certain ways.

God, the more people exalt the miserable, character-building drudgery of marriage, the less I want to get married. Seriously, fuck it. I can build my character in other ways. Why should I have to go to bed beside and wake up beside a project instead of a lover? Life is hard and character-building enough without actively taking a fun part of life (love, sex) and turning it into hard work that you endure for no real reason other than to say you did it.

without having to live in a world of diminished expectations.

Vows are not taken seriously anymore ...... "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

When I was 6, my grandfather, who was a tenant farmer, had a debilitating stroke ...... able only to move his right arm and whisper few words at the time.

There was no welfare then and "County Homes" were horrible environments.

He lived for 12 years before pneumonia overcame him ........ with constant care from his wife and the help of his six daughters (including my mother on weekends).

I work in healthcare. Over the last several years I have seen numerous people (male and female) walk out on their spouses when they were diagnosed with cancer or had serious strokes.

Just when these unfortunate people needed their spouses the most, their spouses "threw them away" like so much garbage.

In the past two years, I have knowledge of three couples, where one of the partners, due to serious depression, became unable to work and almost totally withdrawn.

All three couples had spouses who deserted their "loved one".

In many marriages today, if things are not going the way one partner wants ....... if they're not getting what they thing they should have out of life, they simple abandon the marriage.

As such, these marriages are more like "business arrangements" or corporations than they are committments to another human being ...... cut your losses and move on.

As far as partners putting up with infidelity, I would be willing to wager this is only true where staying together maintains a certain economic status or lifestyle ..... where a dissolution of the marriage would result in material loss.

Now this is really pathetic.

I think more people than admit it know that a little thing here and there doesn't mean the main relationship is necessarily unfulfilling. It doesn't mean what you have isn't good - just that you might need something else from time to time. Then it's discovered and there is weeping and teeth-gnashing and rending of garments.

that after the 60's and 70's and woman's "liberation" and all that struggle of the last 30+ years, fidelity, not devotion, is still considered the measure of marital success. How blindingly hide-bound, limiting, and just plain sad. I really am surprised Tracy. I had a different impression of you.

My understanding was that divorce was down, because folks couldn't afford it -- not enough money for two house holds.

Sounds like living hell to me.

I once had a spouse who was less than 100% faithful to me. At the time I had trouble understanding. I was hurt and angry. We had other problems and eventually ended the marriage. In the after math- doing some soul searching and reading on relationships, I came to understand my role in the break down of our marriage. I did not know how to provide but her support in a way she felt supported. I was working crazy hours and going to school too. What she did wasn't the right way to deal with our problems. However, it was just a symptom of other problems. We were able to get past the infidelity but not the rest. Many couples have the grace and maturity (two traits I lacked back then)to work through it. Many couples learn how to grow together and end up with mutually fulfilling relationships because they were able to endure and over come. That is something worth celebrating. I'm not talking about couples living with dysfunction but couples learning to be healthy and functional.

I'm not proud of it but cannot it happened. My friends, particularly male friends, assumed he was "having his cake and eating it too." But I never saw it that way.

He was under enormous pressure in his career and I was at a low point in my life when we met at a conference. Our relationship, which was largely long distance, offered a mutually desirable escape.

Eventually we stopped meeting and the communication tapered off. His wife, to the best of my knowledge, never suspected a thing. He got promoted, their marriage stabilized and they had another child. I don't know how I would react if I found out a child of mine had been named Elizabeth for my husband's lover, but she won't find out from me.

We're still friends and if I contacted him I know he would get right back to me. Perhaps for that reason, I don't need to. I wish only good things for him and his family.