This really makes me ashamed of UT's sociology department. There really were good, insightful professors there, I swear!!

an emotional disease.

I did this. Graduated in June, married in December. No regrets, almost 20 years later, even though I still can't get him to do the dishes.

Would I recommend it to my nieces? I don't know. Depends on a lot of things. Are they daydreaming about the dress, the ring, the cake, the first dance? Are they worried because all their friends are hitched? Or did they meet someone and, like us, not even bother with a proposal and acceptance? (Somewhere an engagement ring was given and formalities took place, but we both just kind of assumed six weeks after starting to date that we couldn't live without each other and had to get married as soon as possible.)

Can you see not just growing old, but growing *up* with your spouse? Because that's what you'll do. It's not for everybody. Looking back, though, I would never have spent my twenties without him. And, yes, it is cheaper than maintaining two separate households. Some friends of ours just lived together for a while before eventually marrying, but we figured, why wait, and avoid the stress of scandalizing our parents?

So I read that article with very mixed feelings. I got the sense that he was arguing (and we've all heard this before) that women have a sell-by date. To that I say, Or what? There's no sell-by date for happiness. If the only thing that's keeping you from marrying is principle, you're sacrificing something priceless. Likewise, if you can take or leave the guy, no, don't do it, no matter what some well-meaning paternalistic armchair sociologist tells you, no matter what your biological clock is screaming. If you're not happy marrying at 21, you won't be happy as an old married woman of forty. There's no science involved here; only self-knowledge.

This past spring I observed that I have been with Dr. Trench exactly half my life. It feels like yesterday.

Women's "market value" -- this is in a marital sense, not a professional one, just in case you were unclear on that -- declines as they age, but men's rises, because of their growing economic resources and maturity. (Regnerus does not address the possibility that women's economic resources and maturity also increase with age, because, obviously, those things have nothing to do with the value of girls. For girls, value is about how young and pretty they are and also their eggs. Duh.)

Glad you understand this. Women having more maturity and economic resources has little to do with 'market value'.

And so it is. Complain to God that he did not make you a man.

Any man can marry literally at any age, even to a young fertile woman, even if he is not the hottest man around, he need only 'submit' to being a good, kind man to her. ANY MAN CAN. Unless a guy is marrying his true and fine sweetheart of a lifetime, that man is an IDIOT, because the sex DIES within the year, but the grief lives on.

Men can hold off marrying til they are older, and more and more men do, partly as a response to snotty man hating feminists, partly because men know they have a lot to lose in marrying, especially in a culture that does not value fatherhood, indeed actively disparaging it with a litany of laws, court prejudices, etc.

And if you do not marry and you do not have kids, as a man, what is it to you anyway? You can carry on a much richer life when single than you can in a marriage where your social options diminish over the years due to her jealousy, while her options blossom.

fuck that shit.

Nobody has mentioned the fact that 40 years ago, people got married young because a man with a high school diploma could find a job that paid enough to support a stay-home wife and kids. Those days are long gone. Waiting to get married can be as much about financial security as it is about wanting to enjoy the single/child-free life as long as possible. I know plenty of people who have delayed marriage and/or kids simply because they want to be in a better position financially - raising kids is hard enough without having the extra worry of money weighing one down. Is money the most important thing? Of course not. But to say it's not important at all isn't true either.

"marriage actually works best [as a tool of repression] as a formative institution, [ladies], not an institution you enter once you think you're fully formed."

Pre-modern societies around the globe were typically older man -adolescent woman pairings. (Yeah, yeah, I get the fertility and the provider explanations, but the social dynamics of that scenario need to be taken into account). The better to keep women in their place, m'dear. Marry a girl off at 15, get her in pup in the first year (and for the next several years after that), and he'll be too busy and overwhelmed to notice she's a second-class citizen. By the time she's in her 30's, her hubby is likely to be dead.

So some idiot professor thinks women should marry young. YAWWWN. Who cares? Opinions are like assholes; everyone has one. My Aunt Ethel has an opinion, too.

I think Rebecca's a bit defensive, because she's got that fabulous boyfriend, and she's probably starting to think about marriage and he hasn't asked her yet. The poster who said something about modern women being terrified to ASK FOR WHAT THEY WANT was on the money; the real problem isn't marital age, or how many eggs you have left -- it's the idea that WANTING to get married is somehow a sign of weakness. Really cool people just want to hook up and hang out, be polyamorous, etc. Wanting something entirely normal like marriage or children shouldn't be considered a sign of weakness; historically it was considered a sign of MATURITY...that we have flipped on this shows how our society is devolving.

Here is a truth: people get married at different ages and stages of life, and that's just fine. Some people really should marry young, and other people are better off marrying older. No, women do not have an indefinite amount of time -- nobody does. Not even guys. And you can wait too long...you can wait and be so picky and choosy that all the good partners are taken, and meanwhile, you have gotten so set in your ways that you are now too particular and stubborn to adapt to married life. I've seen it happen.

But general, most people make out just fine. That's why most of us end up married, because the good stuff about marriage just astronomically outweighs the bad. Man + Woman = family. It's as simple as that. People loving each other, caring for each other, raising children, etc.

One flaw the professor talks about is this relatively modern idea that you must COMPLETE your education -- which means a graduate degree or PhD -- AND get a fantastic job AND buy a house....WHEW! Oh and see the world, and back pack through Asia...everything, so you have no regrets. THEN and only then can you "settle down". Well, that's crap. If you wait that long, you may end up alone for good, or you'll become so emmeshed in success and achievement you won't recognize a good partner when you see them (or you think they will wait for you forever), and you will lose the ability to grow and change ALONGSIDE your spouse.

I'm not talking about teen marriage, but neither do I think it's so terrible to get married around 22 or so, which used to be the normal age not long ago. Basically it depends on how and when you meet someone you can build a life with, and your flexibility and willingness to adapt and grow. Needless to say, some people are better at this than others, and some people need a bit more time to mature.

I'm glad somebody else posted about the stereotypes constantly used on the subject of women's age vs. mens -- MOST COUPLES ARE ROUGHLY THE SAME AGE. There is no huge demographic of old geezer/young trophy bimbo marriages. They are not the norm. Men who think they are entitled to a trophy bimbo may be into for some serious disappointment, especially as they age and if they are not wealthy.

Some populations are out of whack (China will shortly be in desperate straits) but in the US, we are nearly at parity. There are plenty of men to go around. There is no need whatsoever for women to feel that there is a "man shortage" or that they need to "man share" or they are not entitled to a boyfriend/husband of their own; this is nothing but ridiculous media malarkey. In the age groups over 35, there are actually MORE MEN THAN WOMEN, which you'd hardly know if you were reading paranoid "ticking biological clock" garbage.

The biggest single predicator of getting married is....wanting to get married. If you want to marry, the chances are very strongly in your favor. And the correct age is...whatever age you are when you feel like settling down.

But there is no "ideal time" or superior age, and no guarantees whatsoever that waiting until 30, or getting under the wire at 40, or jumping the gun at 20, will makes things the least bit easier or better.

People are individuals; you'd think that would be universally recognized by now, and we wouldn't have to hear about simplistic "one size fits all" solutions any more.