"There is no one, feminist-approved way to tie the knot."

Every woman feminist has her own approved way to tie the knot. If others, whether for or against her politics, don't like what she is doing at her own wedding, they can feel free to kiss the bride's butt, bow, or train.

The idea that feminism has some set of rules, i.e., is more than the principle of full equality, means it is as straitjacketed as any other movement and will splinter into irrelevance with lots of bickering sides.

You can't have it both ways. That's what these feminists keep harping on. Have this, yet have that. Be this, yet be that. It's tiresome.

How about just do whatever you want, without feeling the need to justify it? Who cares what people think.

When I got married 26 years ago, I wore white (and a veil!) in a traditional church ceremony. My husband and I, both staunch feminists, had the wedding we wanted--and didn't think it a betrayal of our belief in equality. Moreover, no one made a single negative comment. Am I to infer that people are more nosy these days, or simply more anti-feminist?

A professional nitpicker gets inundated by people doing the same to her. And the point is?

If Valenti was dumb enough to post personal details of her life publicly, then she shouldn't be surprised that people will comment. And considering the gadfly nature of her blog, and how much criticism she engages in thereon, why in the world would she be amazed at an explosion of wank? It's simply the way things go on the internet: tell people about your life, and they'll tell you what they think, often unpleasantly, sometimes in all caps. BFD.

so much bother for nothing

I think there's a societal misconception about weddings in general. Your wedding, much like your funeral, is not actually for you. It's for you parents, friends and relatives. You're just the awkward bastard in the middle of it whom everyone stares at. Weddings should be planned for the audience, not the participants, and planned accordingly.

Just elope. Or go to city hall.

Trust me. You'll be happier.

or is that a natural urge of all women?

Look, a wedding is not a grand public gesture, or a mini-Broadway show. It's a PARTY for the couple's nearest and dearest. And as such, it is, indeed, private. Politics should intrude as little as possible on such affairs...and only as they apply to the guests (e.g., you have gay or lesbian relatives or friends in committed relationships? Treat them as you would your married relatives or friends.)

Seems like women can't win, no matter what they do. Oh, and of course the "dick's rights" crowd had to show up here to add their crucial (not) $0.02.

Speaking after years of "inside" experience in this debate, I've seen this hashed out too many times to count, and there's a reason the debate never goes anywhere, never leads to any breakthroughs, and always leaves everyone involved feeling a little bit irate and perhaps dirty. Feminists want it both ways on this one. On the one hand, to be able to critique marriage, married women, motherhood, and heterosexuality in the most derisive ways possible, snarking at every tradition, smirking at how "stay at home moms are just another kind of prostitute," and so forth. And on the other hand, once one finds that Ideal Non-Sexist Male Helpmeet And Lover (TM), even most staunch feminist women want to eventually get married, and quite probably to have kids. So what to do? Split hairs, of course. I'm getting married, but I'm not going to "lose myself"! I will compromise none of my ideals! I will marry, but whilst doing so I shall be very angry about gays not being able to marry, and blog about it, and this will be my atonement for inequality. (A moment of silence, please.) I will marry, but in a red belly dancing outfit, to show that I am not prizing virginity or monogamy, and to signify that above all I continue to prize the vibrancy of my liberated sexuality! We will hyphenate the kids' names, and split childcare duties so meticulously that we might as well be divorced! And so on and so forth.

It's all quite ridiculous and in the end, quite sad. Because while feminism is well and good, people live for other people. And to deny yourself the full measure of the true joy that marriage and family can bring, all in the name of wearing some kind of politically correct hair shirt, is indeed tragic.

This is a women that ranted over and over calling innocent kids rapist after they where not had the charges dropped but had the state attorney declare them innocent.

But the male conservative blogger who pointed that out is a disgusting pig, and he wasn't at all trying to be respectful.

Jessica Valenti, though I think you probably didn't like my comments at your site, I must say I am impressed with the site, and few would say that it hasn't done a lot of good for the feminist movement.

I just wish my comments about female body issues, and my praising of one the regular writers there as attractive, weren't deleted.

Congratulations, and I hope you love your new lifestyle as a "Boss".

So sad. A free spirit destroyed by an oppressive ritual designed by men to degrade and humiliate women.

Just a quick note to acknowledge the joy I have in being married to a feminist. Equality in a relationship is the end all and be all. And to all the conservative men (ie read closet cases) - you will never know the joy I know by my being in a relationship with a woman who is my equal. We play golf together, ski together, hike together and on top of all of that she is a total babe. Equality - try it, you'll like it.

I would love to TCF fired from Salon and this worthless post by her is case in point.

Jessica Valenti and her feministing site have always come across to me as more about politics and attention-seeking than women's equality. This latest round of exhibitionism only cements that opinion.