if she hits you first, all bets are off. nobody should be beating anyone, but women have some nerve to try to game the system.

I can't believe anyone is likening a slap in the face to a beating. It is not the same. Where are his bruises, his scars? If she shoved him, is it then ok for him to choke her? If she slapped him, is ok for him to punch her in the face?

That is the most ridiculous - and disingenuous - argument possible. It's a lie, on the deepest level, and most revealing, it is a clear and obvious excuse.

He overreacted, I'm sure everybody will agree, and I'm sure he must be punished for that. But now it seems he was overreacting to something, and something more important than was said at first. This something shouldn't be simply brushed aside either. If he had only slapped her, I think some people would still insist DV had happened (difference in body size, strength, etc.)

Nobody does; men also don't. If she struck her first, it would seem that the basic difference now is who hit more and who hit less. If this is true, the situation becomes more difficult. I agree with the principle that 'only proportional force' should be used in self-defense, but in practice this is often very hard to measure accordingly (especially after both participants are angry).

I'm curious to see the book they're writing, and how they'll describe their own situation. They should be the specialists, right? I think those girls who thought it was "a slap on the face" to see Rihanna going back to Chris may have been in a totally different situation than hers, once again showing the dangers of collapsing everything under the same interpretation.

Is it really true that a man (or, for that matter, a person) will hit you again if he hits you once? In the Obama era, we really don't think people can change anymore? I understand the issue of trust--even if your attacker did change, you may simply not want to be with him/her anymore. But in Ms Berman's piece I see something that suggests there is no redemption--once an aggressor, always an aggressor. Is this really today's popular wisdom?

I really should use the "preview" button more often...

If he had hit her first, then she hit him back, would the response have been the same?

Given ample precedent in the courts, if she shot him in response or stabbed him to death, she might have walked away scot-free.

Yes stupid. If a guy punches you, leave him. Going back to him should render all further actions null and void. Sorry but you have to get off the post modern victim train at some point. Women divorce their husbands for play too much golf on the weekends. You're telling me there's nothing profoundly messed up with a woman and her relationships if she's an 18 year multimillionaire famous celebrity beauty queen and her boyfriend slams her around and she goes back to him? For what? Rent money?

You Rihanna are a seriously disturbed person and no one should be placed in a position of being responsible for your well being anymore. Sorry. Get help or get bent.

First, I would like to say that while I have a disagreement with the author at the end that overall this was a good post and how a broadsheet article should be written. No snark makes for a much better read.

The show begins with a chilling statistic: 1 in 3 high school students have been involved in dating violence.

I am wondering where they got this stat as Google does not show a study with that information the closest I could find is this study "Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality" which says it is about 18 percent. This study is pay to see so I am not sure how they got this number, if it is a survey and if so what are the wording of the questions. This study does state that 1 in 3 girls know someone how was abused again do not know how they got that number.

All of that is to say even 18 percent is a major problem there is no need to use scare numbers when if 18 is correct that is horrible.

Tyra quickly pointed out that, if it's true, Brown should have been allowed to defend himself without using excessive force. It is, of course, inexcusable to slap your boyfriend. But choking your girlfriend, threatening to kill her and sending her to the hospital with a face full of blood and bruises elevates the situation to a dangerous extreme.

I have to disagree, now that it seems clear that both where involved in the violence and it was Rihanna that initiated it we need to know more before anyone can make any definitive statements about the rest of the indecent. For all we know after being hit a few times he punched or slapped her once in the car. After exiting the car she continued to hit him and verbally assault him and that is when he choked her. So if it played out anything like that, he might have been able to escape but in the heat of the moment it is hard to discern. That is why self defense is usually granted greater lee way. It is of course possible that she hit him a few times, he lost it and went over the top. All I am saying right now only a few people know.

Rihanna may have her own anger issues to work out, but a woman doesn't have to be a saint to be a victim of domestic violence.

A small thought experiment. Say this was the first time either have been violent with each other and it was her that hit him first but she stopped when he hit her back and he did go over the top. Is that really domestic violence in anyway other than they are in a relationship together? I ask because I think most people would tend to think DV is a pattern and in this case he did have a reason to defend himself but just went over board. This of course does not make it right and his actions either are or could be criminal. Think of this as a modified battered wife syndrome.