From my perspective, I think the issue may be down to: Do you want to operate from the context of how things "should" be, or how things are? I'm a guy. I've been a guy for all my life. I've certainly gone through my lame guy period where having a woman tell me she loved me (first) was a little disconcerting and left me thinking "Umm. OK. What now?" I completely agree a woman "should" be able to say "I love you" first. Heck, I'd love it if everyone could say what was in their mind the moment it popped into their mind. But really, dating, relationship, and romance are messy things not wanting for complications and people being weird and stupid (and obviously, guys don't have a monopoly on being weird and stupid when it comes to relationships).

Mind you, I'm probably a data point to the contrary -- the last woman I went on dates with definitely took the initiative when it came to this sort of thing (e.g. calling me after our second date and basically saying she intended to not date other people). That was about three years ago. Ended up marrying her.

I think there's nothing wrong with operating like the guy you really want should be able to handle it. Just accept that you may actually lose out on some guys who, other than being weird with a woman telling she loves them first, would actually be a great catch. So from a "finding the love of your life" statistics perspective, it's not a technique that's going to enhance your chances.

And, having said that, I'm going to completely contradict myself and add one point: You can't be weird about this. 2-3 relationships ago, I figured out I loved someone and didn't know if it was an appropriate time to say it, and ended up feeling stifled, suppressed, and started acting frankly a little weird, because I kept having this thing on my mind every time I was with her that I wasn't saying. That's not the way to go either.

I suppose I could have written this entire letter as "it depends" :)

You should make 2009 the year people stop using your real name and only call you "The Hep."

And this rule is particularly asinine. But it depends who you are talking to. If the audience of the article is women who see dating as all a game to catch a man with the overall objective being a big wedding and the knowledge that you have escaped single-hood, than it probably makes sense. If you are talking to mature adults who enter into relationships based on respect and consider each other equals, then it's asinine.

I wonder which group has a higher divorce rate.

There. I said it first.

It's true most of the time.

Just because one of your male friends says it isn't true for him, doesn't make it bad advice. You are right in saying everyone is different, but that doesn't invalidate these kind of trends.

The reality is that in most cases, you shouldn't say it until "the time is right." Unfortunately, most men don't express or even know when they believe the time is right. The whole "waiting for them" ensures that you don't jump the gun. Maybe you could have said it earlier, but how would you know at the time with no signal from him? There is no loss for not saying it, so waiting is the best course of action.

I think you have too much of a "storybook" conception of how this all works. It doesn't all just magically happen, with both parties swept away with adoration. I've seen too many good relationships end just because of bad timing and life intruding (despite that both parties are very much in love and really work well together). Entering a relationship is no different. Take every (ethical) advantage you can get, because it's tough enough as is to make it all work out.

If you are both in love then who says I love you first is meaningless.

The issue actually is, if you say I love you, and the other person doesn't feel that way.

This is true for men and women, and has the same result.

If one person is more committed to another, the other will either end the relationship or exploit their new found power status.

The only reason for this advice to be applied to women is because they have an illdeserved reputation for being too desperate and too clingy. In variably the problem with I love yous relate wholely to those personality traits and not to someone gender. If a male is desperate and clingy and starts in with the I love yous before your toothbrush hits the cup, their partner (because of course this isn't limited to heterosexual couples either) is likely to be taken aback at the obsession their new stalker is displaying.

And of course, the context is important too, how you say I love you, and how you react. For example, if you toss out an "I love ya" because of a gift of Johnny Walker Blue, and your partner immediatly points out that this is the first time you've said those words and how it marks an important transition in their relationship, then again regardless of gender or sexual orientation that moment and the relationship is about to become awkward.

Here is the only advice on love that anyone needs. Don't be desperate and clingy. Whether you say a code word, or interpret a code word, don't be desperate and clingy. If you are dating someone you feel is emotionally unavailable, then question your choice in mates, not their emotional unavailability. If you approach your relationship as an adult with an adult, you'll have no real trouble finding a mate and perhaps having an enjoyable relationship with them. If you approach everything as a juvinille game, and play these games with other emotional juvinilles you are likely to be as disapointed in the results as any emo soaked highschool student.