women have have the first down cold but they often seem to have big problems with the second.

the predator is no more immoral than the prey, they are what they are. Most men can no more be as picky about what they find attractive in women than most women can be sexually aroused by dwarves. Everyone is responsible for their behavior, no ones tastes, alone, define morality.

Being an asshole doesn't cut it anymore. You have to be a heartless blood sucking vampire to snag a girl today.

Then she will do anything for you.

Anything.

Not that it is satisfying or worthwhile.

@Renegade Iconoclast

That we never get hit on... unless we're in a relationship.

Um...not to be a total killjoy here, but one of the most notorious miscommunications between the sexes is that when women are actually trying to flirt, a lot of men read it as her merely being friendly, and when women are trying to be friendly, a lot of men read it as flirting.

It's possible that this is what's happening here. Taken men seem "safe", and it's easier to be nice to them. You don't think you have to worry about being hit on. When I found out that men and women miscommunicate this way, I stopped being nice to taken men. Makes life a bit colder, but it's probably better all around.

Others who have mentioned general relaxation and evidence of social skills also have good points. It's also true that taken men tend to be more relaxed, and that overly wound-up single men can come off as sexual predators, whether they really are or not.

@eclipse

Monkey see, monkey do.

My son's father's second wife is a spectacular mess (but she's hot!), and I'm glad to find that some boys can learn from Dad's mistakes. My son is disgusted with both his stepmother and his father. He doesn't want to grow up like Dad, not in that respect anyway, and so far, the girls he likes are pretty cool. We'll see what happens when the hormones kick in fully, but right now, he has good taste.

I've also taken care to point out men we know who had crappy examples in their fathers but grew up to be good men. We know a few, so it's possible.

I think one of the hardest aspects of this is that life can reward bad behavior, depending on what you value. We try to cope by creating a legal system and a penal code, but it doesn't always work and can't be applied to every aspect of human life without getting draconian.

So the lesson learned may depend on what's important to each boy, and I don't know where that comes from. Are values innate or learned? When I was younger, I would have said learned, but as I age, I'm beginning to wonder. There were so many things I could have done differently, and I don't know why I did them the way I did. I don't regret them because I think they were the right thing, but I know I wasn't taught to behave that way.

It's like the hot chick and douchebag thing. The men entangled in it insist that they just can't feel it for anything but hot chicks, even though they don't want to be douchebags. This is why I no longer think that saying, "Wait, there are other women out there!" is productive. They're right. They like what they like, and perhaps the best thing for them to do is let go of whatever ego they have wrapped up in being a Nice Guy, so their inner douche can come out to play.

"...the adolescent sexual-social hierarchies that develop in larger, unrestricted schools, which we're seeing here can be extremely damaging to both sexes."

You can say that again!! :)

And guys, women really do not want guys who already have a woman. We really, really don't. Just like you probably do not prefer women who already have a man. This alleged phenomenon you're speaking of is the result of two things:

1. Most women realize that she often CAN'T be friendly with a single guy without having that guy assume she wants him. With a coupled guy, women figure they can engage with him without the friendship/exchange heading into sexual/romantic territory. My boyfriend makes this mistake. He thinks that most women who are friendly and interested in talking to him want to jump his bones, even though I can see pretty clearly that it usually isn't the case. But he obviously gets a kick out of it, so I don't say anything.

2. Wanting what you can't have -- in general, when you CAN'T have something, it suddenly seems to be available all around you. Taunting you! So a guy with a girlfriend who can't sleep with other women suddenly experiences the world as full of gorgeous, available women. I actually once overhead a conversation between two guys who were agreeing that when they are single and go out, all the women are ugly. But as soon as they go to a bar when they have a girlfriend, the place if crawling with hot chicks. I thought that was hilarious -- they were being serious! As if the universe was actually conspiring against them.

It's just a matter of perception.

Also, as to the contention that women hit on coupled men more often even when the man is alone and the woman doesn't know he has a girlfriend, I don't doubt this is true. He is more likely to appear happy and relaxed, and to not be leering, if he has a woman. Which is all much more attractive than the opposite.

For both men and women, after you get past pure physical beauty, there is nothing more attractive than someone who seems happy, engaging, and comfortable with themself.

I wonder how her dates are going these days.

Seriously, this dating/hooking up bidness makes me shudder.

I am SO glad that I have been out of circulation for the past 20 years, when I met my true lady love.

My iconic hero is Popeye the Sailor Man.

He'd be nuthin' widout the lovely Olive Oil.

Nuthin' ad all, my frems.