I know that some may take what I said as an attack on all women, and angrily defend themselves as if I were insulting them.

I intended no insult, I'm speaking from both my own observation, and that of many of my friends over the years, male and female. While my relationships have definitely changed me for the better, they haven't changed me into a different person. Women, in large numbers, seem to feel differently. Single men may as well wear a "Leper" sign, I am not at all kidding. When I'm in a relationship, I feel like I'm wearing a shirt that says, "totally available, and probably rich."

This is nature, I figure. Please don't lecture me about how, "only the bad girls you don't want act this way", because it simply isn't true. Many women respond to subtle cues, whether they like it, or realize it, or not, and it doesn't mean they're skanks who only want somebody else's man. This generalization cannot be true, because, as I mentioned before, even with no outward sign of being in a relationship, you women, as a rule, find us more attractive if we are in one, like magic.

My 9-year-old son told me last night that "boys are hunters, and girls are the prey. The boys have to stalk the girls, and hunt them down. But if the boy sees better prey, then he can dump the old prey and chase the new prey."

I kid you not. That is what he said.

I said, "Boys are NOT hunters and girls are NOT prey. Boys and girls are people with feelings."

He patiently replied, "I KNOW that. But Mom, that is what boys do. I'm trying to explain to you how boys ARE. But I don't want to be like that. I want to have a real family when I grow up."

This is the son of a man who abandoned him three years ago, and is now on his second, or who knows, maybe third girlfriend.

Monkey see, monkey do. Boys see their fathers chasing women, objectifying them. They get confused about what to do. Fathers and husbands need to understand how important their behavior is in educating the next generation.

When we mens are fortunate enough to win a woman's love, that gives us a certain glow and confidence, and unless we don't care for that woman, or, unless we are completely selfish assholes, a wonderful woman's love will make us shine everywhere, at work, at play, everywhere.

The most important quality a human being can have is the quality of gratitude, the ability to truly appreciate what another human being means to us and how special it is to walk on this earth each day with so many wonderful family members, colleagues, team mates and friends.

@renegade

You are correct about being in a relationship seems to make a man more attractive.

A man playing with his children seems more attractive too.

A man with female friends - seems more attractive.

As does a man who has a pet and seems to enjoy it.

I think women find men attractive when they are demonstrating an ability to have a connection with other humans or animals. There are SO many men who seem to have little interaction with anything other than other single men who sometimes (not all) seem like a pack of guys just looking to find a girl for regular sex.

Seeing a man having a more personal social connection - he looks attractive to women who are seeking a man for something more than this weeks hookup. The pack of single guys a Ruby Tuesdays grading the waitresses? Hmm, not so much.

because women generally cannot admit that they are ruled by hormones and instinct in the same way that men are, only the hormones and instincts are different. Every strongly felt and widely shared reaction to men that lots of women have has to be defended as occupying some sort of moral high ground. Another example is the refusal of many if not most women to concede the voluminously documented fact that many if not most women are sexually repulsed by men significantly shorter than themselves. Repulsed by the shortness, period, the short guy always has to be complicit in the problem, somehow, according to most women.

Before feminism (and the pill in the early 60s) people didn't spend such a large period of their lives finding mates.

Young men didn't have sexual access to young women until they had a job and could support a wife. If they broke those rules they could expect a shotgun wedding. The young woman paid an even higher price for casual sex -- being forced to give up a shameful baby for adoption.

So young men can thank feminism (and the pill) for more casual sex, not less. If you marry young, you will have more sex and better sex in total though.

For many young women (unlike gay men) casual sex with strangers remains undesirable. All your future babies are put in danger by a whole range of STDs.

And self-named "nice guys" often aren't. They are going after girls who are not in their league. And that's only one reason why girls want to get to know you.

But your post makes one thing very clear: 'the Game' and strategies such as negging are not the kind of coaching that will help them. (In fact, I'll bet that genuine good guys will not fail to have at least great doubts, probably be simply repulsed, by this kind of manipulative strategy.)

That's what I've been trying to make clear, and I'm glad it came through.

When The Rules came out, a lot of women, myself included, thought it was pathetic. We were not surprised to find used bookstores rejecting old copies because of pre-existing, unsellable overloads, nor were we surprised when one of the writers ended up divorced. You can get a man with The Rules, true, but why would you want him?

The Game is the same way.

Some men do need some coaching (and I'll bet some women do, too).

Yes, some women do, me included. Several factors in my life converged into a perfect storm of unpopularity starting in about third grade, and while I'm glad I wasn't part of the in-crowd, I was unpopular with everyone. I had a brother, but I was unpopular with him, too.

The end result was the I got cut out of an entire chunk of social skills development. I can talk to men just fine, but I never learned how to flirt with them. I have reached points in interactions where I've been thinking "Okay, what am I supposed to do now?", gotten it wrong, gotten rejected, and still had no clue what would have been right. As I've gotten older, I've begun to suspect an organic problem with seeing and interpreting non-verbal cues. I'm that consistently bad at it.

So I understand problems with social skills because I have them. I'm also someone for whom "be yourself" is problematic, because my self is introverted and moody, as well as not prone to sweet nothings and kissy-face games. This translates into "stuck-up, cold-hearted bitch", so I understand that, too. Thankfully, at this point I've been alone for so many long stretches of time that I'm not only used to it, I prefer it. .

I do understand, though, although I guess I don't understand the part about thinking you're wonderful. I know I'm not. Introverted and moody isn't wonderful. I also really, really like my "baggage" and am a bit of a mother bear, which makes me even less wonderful. Combine it with chronic illness, and you have another perfect storm.

But all in all, I think I agree with you. If you have a personality, and if you don't seem to be so darn dependent on getting a woman for self-justification ('scoring'), if you do have principles and ideals all your own that orient your life, you end up becoming interesting to others. Being desperate isn't going to help.

Right. And being desperate is often considered a good indication that you lack all of this, in men and women both.