Unless you literally remove your child from American society by homeschooling like Anonymous_Too, there is absolutely NO WAY that you will convince your child to ignore every message sent by society just because her parents say so. Parents really need to drop the idea that they have much control or influence at all over teens. Teens are influenced by (A) their peer group, and (B) what they see in magazines/TV/internet. Most teens think their parents are boring, lame, clueless, embarrassing, and out of touch, so why would they listen to what they have to say on matters of appearance and social group?? They're more likely to do the opposite. At least, that's how I was.

I was interested to read your letters because I used to be one of those girls obsessed with models and beauty, much to the chagrin of my feminist, extremely successful mother. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to have Barbies, I got chemistry sets instead, etc. I was raised to value intelligence and hard work over superficial qualities. But frankly, none of that mattered to me. I was OBSESSED with models and looking like/being one. If it's any consolation, I eventually got over that phase and I'm now an educated professional who is thoroughly embarrassed by the consumerism and superficiality of my youth. So there's hope.

BUT, the fact of the matter is that your daughters are really just making a rational calculation based on what they see around them. If they follow your advice and become, say, a scientist, they will get to live an average middle class life and probably marry a similar guy. And they'll have to work really hard to do that. If, on the other hand, they became a successful model, they would live a life of fabulous riches, fabulous travel, fabulous men, and lots and lots of POWER. Without having to do virtually any work. Is it really so shocking they would go for the latter? People aren't saints. They will usually strive to obtain the most power for the least effort.

In addition, if your daughter is gorgeous, she probably gets heaps of admiration, social status, friends, and attention because of it. If she's class valedictorian, probably no one cares except her parents. Getting straight As will not give her any social power or status whatsoever. Looking hot will.

This is all quite depressing and disappointing, but it's the way it is.

So my main point is, the influence of two parents is not enough to overcome the rest of the world. You want her to contribute to society and use her brain. But no one else does. The rest of the world would prefer that she pose in Maxim. Young girls will never stop striving for power through beauty until society stops rewarding them for doing so. So don't beat yourself up about it, it isn't your fault and there's probably not much you can do (short of homeschooling or moving to a third world country or commune).

still, the fact that the situation is working at all indicates the power do have to organize society according to their own inclinations given any kind of opportunity. I have to wonder though, isn't the parental ideal of a utopia where their babies are not "forced" to take a "premature" interest in sex the oldest and most delusional story in the world? And aren't people, even in "utopia" really mostly kept in line by fear, (probably in the case of males in this fear of social ostracism and permanent celibacy should they display too much sexual "precocity").

if instead of fighting a war against sex and sexuality everyone involved, parents and kids, could acknowledge reality.

They will usually strive to obtain the most power for the least effort.

Boys peacocking is a perfect example of obtaining power over girls for less effort.

It sure is easier than the route I took, working my way up to somewhat successful [now] middle-aged guy-- who missed out on much of the pleasure of youth I would have had access to had I peacocked INSTEAD or while working on the success stuff. (God, I was naive back then, thinking the hard stuff mattered a whit to women)

EVERYONE, if they would, would make themselves so attractive that everyone they want to love them would do so the way they want them to. I don't have the answer but I doubt that total denial is it.

that should be

relax fellas

Your daughter will find her way. Trust me. I've seen this one. She will go to school when she is ready. She's just enjoying being a Goth and young.

I did the things you wish your daughter did on a traditional timeline. I wish I had stopped out a bit and smelled some flowers. Her beauty won't save her from some situations, and thanks to you, she'll be smart enough to figure it out. She doesn't sound like the women (and men) I know who were ruined by beauty.

My son is handsome. As a young boy, he gets female attention. He will also be a musician (it's starting already). And I am trying to make sure that he understands that these things will not pay the bills.

These letters make me laugh. Like clusters with like. Normal folks date normal folks, those who aspire to shallow standards find gold digging, manipulative, and douchebag behavior. Desperation attracts predators. Doesn't matter what sex. But the regulars are out with knives I see. Normal men find partners pretty quickly.

I know you mean well and I get what you are saying, but acting is so spotty a career.

I know this. However, you have never brought up a teenage girl and I have. I recommended the intensive classes so that the girl realizes that meeting goals requires work. Her focus is on her appearance. She needs to focus upon her skills.

Chances are, once she realizes that acting is work, she will find another goal. In any case, she won't be worse off for learning skills.