If there are no rules

can women stop complaining about the behavior of men?

Decent people abide by rules of civilized behavior. It has nothing to do with some distinction between men and women but rather how people behavior when they treat others in good faith. Treating others with good faith means not telling the sorts of lies that would lead them to believe that you feel things about them which you do not. Treating others in good faith means not deliberately trying to get them to go against their own long term best interests just so that you can fulfill your momentary desires.

Of course people, both men and women, have every right to complain if they are actually screwed over.

can women not complain if a guy just says "hey nice shoes wanna fuck?"

Only if he is under fourteen.

Can women not complain that guys just aren't romantic enough or "most men are horrible lovers".

Oh everyone has a right to her opinion. Would you like to be told that you can't complain if women don't want to have sex with you?

Because men aren't allowed to complain about such things that women do without being called losers or misogynists.

In what universe are they not allowed? Here at Broadsheet, many of them complain all the time

"In what universe are they not allowed? Here at Broadsheet, many of them complain all the time"

yes it happens and they are called losers and misogynists just like i said.

"Oh everyone has a right to her opinion. Would you like to be told that you can't complain if women don't want to have sex with you?"

That happens here all the time. If you can't find women men are regularly called misogynists around here.

"Of course people, both men and women, have every right to complain if they are actually screwed over."

Except when men complain they are called whiners. Why aren't women who complain called whiners?

Anecdote: at one point, I looked over a male friend's dating site profile. He is, in fact, a nice guy - in the best way possible. But what the profile said to me was that he was unhappy, not self-confident, and not much fun to be around...

Well, of course. The very fact that someone is on an online dating site means that they are unloved and still looking. The online dating sites are kind of like a game of reverse musical chairs, where the aim is to pair off early and not be the last one left on the shelf. Anyone who is really a catch is swiftly seized and taken off the market.

The only thing that would really work well would be if one had some overwhelming reason for being on the Web site:

Wealthy widowed legislator with one well-behaved child seeks woman who loves horses. Must wear helmet.

or:

Professional athlete, part-time rapper seeks tall, goal-oriented female Ph.D. No basket cases.

will do better than:

Lonely, but amusing nerd with herpes seeks like-minded female for weekend pot and drinking binges. Has cable TV and expects the same in a partner.

Except when men complain they are called whiners. Why aren't women who complain called whiners?

I don't know, sweetie. Would you rather be called a bitch?

There seem to be quite a few women who beg to differ on that.

oh right, if women weren't persecuted/harrassed/objectified, or brainwashed by food advertisments, or poisoned by corn sweetener they would all be a healthy weight.

but usually they avoid saying so directly.

Quite possibly, depending on what you mean by it and what you intend to do about it.

pretty much says it all.

I actually meditated on that one for a while, to let it sink in. These aren't celebrities, who can be safely and completely ignored. These are real people, the "hotties" and the "jerks" they like. These are the men the world's Nice Guys hate, envy and emulate, and the women they do it all for. Um.

In the meantime, here's another link for the amused: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/attractive_girls_union_refuses_to

What about love?

LOVE!

Hello!

So, only ugly fat people seek love?

Or, am I looking in all the wrong places and there are decent looking, brainy, ambitious people who have not gone to pot who are ALSO seeking love?

Most men opt for the "Player" crap -- here is a hint that is not true change, you didn't become a better person, just a manipulative bastard - and quality women will know it and avoid you. After awhile you'll get bored of screwing idiots, and you will be back to square one, with a need to change yourself. Except now you are lot older.

There is no there there.

This is not Lake Wobegon, where every boy is above average.

the Hot Chicks with Douchebags site is that a good proportion of the women in these photos are Top Shelf Maxim Material, and I mean that in the most flattering sense.

Meanwhile, all too many of the men look like aliens or mannequins.

What element of these women's psyche does not see the irony of this situation? I mean most of these women can snag a good looking Ricky Martin or [Julio Iglesias's son] type.

I guess, if I wanted to be around such world class bodies, I can feel confident going into these situations, where attractive women swarm like ants, with my slight belly, and just ACT like these douches, all macho and 'Jersey goomba' and shit. Looks do not so much seem to matter to these women as does the douche's attitudes.

...and the messages they're getting?

My fifteen year old stepdaughter is gorgeous, though still only awkwardly conscious of it. She's mostly unconscious of the affect she has on men/boys, and hasn't dated yet. Yet she's also obsessed with her looks, and her favorite shows are "Top Model,", "Project Runway," "The Hills," "Gossip Girl," etc. She wants to be an actress - because she wants to be famous like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie. She grudingly does her homework because her dad and mom take her texting away when she gets a failing grade, but she really sees school as something to just suffer through until she is "discovered" like Lauren Conrad and swept into a glamourous life filled with boyfriends, cool apartments, and night clubs.

What pop culture is teaching her -despite the fact that her mom is a feminist and her stepmom (me) has struggled to attain real stature in a male-dominated field - is that because she is beautiful, she doesn't have to do anything else in life except play up her looks and be charming and doors will open for her.

How will she respond to the average boy her age when he finally gets the courage to ask her out? She sees herself as, by birthright and beauty, above average and she sees her looks as a commodity. How does any young man/boy who really wants a connection with this girl (who, at her core, is sweet, good, and caring) have a chance, while she still buys into the superficial cover story that she's being sold?

How did we get back here again? This may be a time-old story, but when I was growing up, my role model was Mary Tyler Moore, not Kim Kardashian. After all we've been through as women these past generations, how does a girl growing up in a household where her dad and stepmom are self-made, relentlessly hard-working, and involved in intellectual as well as community affairs STILL come to believe that her pretty face and body will get her the American dream?

It breaks my heart, because I'm in the same business that makes the entertainment that has taught her to value these superficial things, despite everything she has grown up around.

Mixed messages come from the media, and we can't underestimate the power these messages are having over the young men and women just now coming into their own sexuality.