Letters to the Editor

Letters posted here are associated with the following article:
Dudes try "dating Darwinism" An author argues that angry young men are becoming assholes to try to get women.
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  • @ beigelights

    Lol. That is kinda funny. But some girls like that.

    Look, knowing what the end result is doesn't mean I have to be crass or unrefined to get there. It just means we all know what we are here for. No games... just fun times.

    And yes, I play safe. No need for valtrex here... but shouldn't everyone have a good medical practitioner on call ?

    This is just how one man lives people....

  • Just one more, I couldn't resist - I'm pretty sure this is Dick D

    http://dlisted.com/node/29364

    Dick, was that you?

    Seriously, though, SOME men have higher sex drives than some women - and yet many, many men are able to get along quite well with women and in society without copping huge resentments about not having access to willing sex partners 24/7. Why? 'Cuz a mature adult is one who has learned that he or she isn't going to get what they want 24/7, accepts that fact, and goes on about their life without a huge chip on their shoulder about it.

  • how do you now how big a chip on their shoulder

    most men have?

  • I tried not being gross once

    but then I figured out that it was better to just be myself.

  • having desires/expectations doesn't make you a jerk

    Everyone should go into romantic situations with expectations, and have lines that, if crossed, will make them leave the situation. You should know what you want from a situation, and what you can give. That's what being a healthy emotionally means. If your expectations are "this person will do my bidding," then, well, /that/ makes you a jerk.

    Having expectations shows other people how to treat us. This is all basic, basic human stuff. It's got practically nothing to do with gender. And if you get some expectations/confidence, and people like you more, and what you learn from that is "people of the opposite sex are shallow/evil," you're not learning the right lesson.

  • rock on

    Vir- amen. a-freakin-men.

    beige-I can't see that page at work, but I think I have before... there's a site of pictures of douches/jerks not to date I've put someone on once.- I think this is one of those? the one I put up showed up to hang out with me at a gay bar (we'd met online), while telling me he was straight, but has fooled around with guys. Then he said he had to do an errand (bring something to his mom) but wanted to hang out later. When we met back up a few hours later, after him postponing (I had to know who the heck this joker was!) he got his email on my phone, then within a few minutes said he had to go.

    He'd left his email open though, which made it apparent he had placed a Casual Encounters ad with a fake age, fake name, and doctored photos of himself, and left when he got a response with an address and phone number!

    Skeev!

  • @achilles, 646, beige, bloorstmystery

    Why don't you reread Kryptogal's quote:

    Just so you know, men also claim to want a sweet woman who will treat them well and then go crawling after women who treat them like dirt.

    This is the equivalent of rolling your eyes and playing along with dumb behavior that some men exhibit if your intentions are only for the short-term. If I'm seeking a quick fix, I'm still completely turned off my blatant machismo...I prefer a combination of charm and wit, and he should be palatable to my particular tastes. This might actually be classified as more typical "player" behavior than "asshole," so I should make that distinction; assholes are always repulsive.

    Sure, "average" guys should have access to casual sex, just as "average" girls. Do you think I expect to attract a hottie by walking out of the apartment in ill-fitting jeans, no makeup, and with no intention of flirting with anyone? If I trudged into a bar and walked up to a dude with a request for sex, I'd be labeled, "psycho!" (actually this term is given to us for many social transgressions that some men get away with, but that's a different subject altogether).

    Achilles, why didn't you allot some harsh criticism to 646 for the same behavior? 646, I don't know why you are high-fiving Achilles when you are participating in the same behavior he despises (in women at least).

    Regardless, I don't know why some of you seem to think we ought to marry every person who comes along. Some of you here berate women for indulging in casual sex, yet claim we don't have sex drives. How is this physically possible?

    Bloorsmystery, I appreciated your comment. You and my boyfriend share the same opinions on this subject, which is one of the many reasons I was drawn to him from the very beginning. Dating as an investment about as treacherous as a market-based gamble, but if the timing and sentiments are right for both parties, it can pay off.

    Beige, have you seen njguido.com??

  • A view from the second wave -- feminism was never about any of this, so feminism need not fix it.

    Feminism was about things like being able to get credit in your name rather than your husband's. It was about being able to actually get a car in your own name rather than your father's. Believe it or not, feminism was about women actually getting to serve on jury duty. It was about equal pay for equal work. It was about getting the police to actually come when your husband was beating you. It was about having police actually file charges against the guy who raped you even if you weren't actually a virgin. It was about reproductive rights, including the right to use birth control. It was about changing laws so that women who didn't keep the house to their husband's satisfaction could not be involunarily committed to mental hospitals for that reason. It was about not having non-medically necessary hysterectomies.

    Women have advanced a great deal. The children in a divorce settlement are no longer treated like property to be awarded to the parent with the bigger income. Overt discrimination in employment can actually be complained about and the complaintant has at least a modicum of protection against retailiation. Women now are in every professional role. Someday WE WILL have a woman president.

    Feminism really has never said anything about dating much. There is no particular reason that feminism should.

    When men complain that men want casual sex more than women do, this feminist's response is, "So?"

    What you guys seem to want is some sort of dating manual. However, even with a dating manual that would draw upon fairness and courtesy, people would still behave in individual ways.

    What feminism gave to women and (inadvertantly) to men was more freedom than ever before. What you do with it, within the bounds of law, is up to you.

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