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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
are as appealing as ever.
Too bad so many people are having such a hard time with equality.
Oh, seagull-poop.
Guys who want formulae and rules are missing the point as much as are women who set arbitrary expectations on dates; the point of a date is to see if two people are mutually in-sync. So, guys - listen up. Be courteous to EVERYONE - men, women, dogs, Republicans, whether you are dating them or not. Anything else beyond courtesy is negotiable! Opening doors for everyone opens doors you have not yet discovered.
Translation - Don't NOT be a jerk only on dates, and the dividends will accrue.
The established courtship rules and rituals have been upended, and nothing has yet been established to replace them. As Tracy points out, though, this is not feminism's fault, and it is difficult to navigate the new playing field for women as well as men.
And the survival of the ass-hole-iest is being documented, hilariously (!) here:
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/
Gay people don't deal with this shit. It appears (from conversations with gay acquaintances and room mates) that negotiating sex for gay men is easy - with none of the jumping through hoops/social cachet that women in their 20s demand.
I can't speak for all straight men but I learned after high school that "nice guy" was code for - "unattractive, unassertive and unfuckable".
And despite the fact that I was a geek, I wanted to get fucked. So I decided to apply myself. I learned to tap into my more aggressive side in a controlled manner. You learn to discount much of what women say, focus on what they do and what guys who are successful with them do.
On the innocent end of the spectrum you learn to be mysterious and play up your strengths; whatever those may be. On the more mercenary end, you take a by any means necessary approach (and I am not talking about date rape or anything like that before people jump down my throat) and learn to play the game.
Sometimes success means casting a wide net - and focusing on a variety of demographics - older women, black women, foreign women - etc.
Dating Darwinism is just a way for guys to regain control. Surely you can see that in terms of casual dating, women hold a lot of the cards. Including the biggest one - access to sex.
The advice given to guys was fast and furious:
(Excerpted)
"14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “Fuck off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.
15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.
17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.
18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.
19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.
20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.
21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
22. Have and nurture friendships with women."
My new housemate in Austin, beautiful girl that she is, was lamenting how all guys are into her for her body.
Then she floored me with this statement.
"On the date, they are trying to put their arm around [the small of my back]."
I KID YOU NOT.
I told her that this used to be called CHIVALRY in the old days.
Now, fer sure, most of the guys who chase her for a date ARE players looking for one thing. She, being a typical shallow girl, goes for the one who charms her the most, rather than for the one she gets to know over time for his integrity, the way he treats others, his reputation. you know, all that USELESS stuff.
I don't doubt guys have given up.
TCF sez They are taught to suppress the nice guy by putting on the armor of the asshole -- but how fulfilling is that, ultimately?
DO MEN HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE? The ones with good personalities are no longer trusted anyway-- women just think these guys are being players. The crappy personalitied ones are STILL CLEANING UP THE FIELD, fucking anything that moves because they have perfected their own game.
Of course, there is only one answer: if you have to be thrown in with the players, girls not being able to discern good men from bad apparently (or refusing to), then you might as well learn to play the game and GET YOURSELF SOME LOVIN', AFFECTION, SEX.
You know, strange as it may seem, men are human too. We need this stuff (love, affection, sex) but we do not have that FREE TICKET called a vagina that gets us all the lovin' we need when we need it merely by standing there and winking coyly.
RIGHTLY so, men are pissed as hell. We have to pretend we couldn't care less about women, like we are our own persons. Yet we, practically HAVE TO HAVE women if we want to ever have children. If you were in such a POWERLESS position as a woman, believe me, you would be pissed as fuck too.
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Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
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Salon headlines in your mailbox
