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• Friday, November 21, 2008 10:08 AM

  @ hopesprings

  I wish I had your e-mail. I'd give you an earful.

  My daughter is now twenty-six. Yes, she is still beautiful. However, despite 5 AP placements and being in honor society and the gifted program in high school, she has not gone to college.

  I cannot begin to tell you how disappointed I am or how, in the current economy, I am so frightened for her future. Being beautiful can take over everything for a girl. It can take all the air out of the room. It can delay her maturity. It is NOT the gift that people think it is.

  My daughter is employed, but she is a semi-Goth chick, a denizen of raves, acquainted with band members whose names you would know, an aging club kid. She is obsessed with youth and wonders if she should get botox at some point in her twenties.

  She is also one the best informed, scientifically-well read, smartest people I know of her age and she is doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with her gifts.

  Don't let this happen to your daughter. Start now making her work for what she gets and emphasizing in every possible way the importance of her education. Stop letting her watch those trash shows.

  She wants to be an actor? Actors WORK! Is she taking theater in school? Voice and diction lessons? Movement classes? Get her involved in dance and exercise classes. Make it clear to her that, while you support her goals, she has to work to attain them. Also, make it clear that doing well in school is her FIRST job.

  Take your friends aside and tell them this: She is getting vain. Please DON'T compliment her on her looks. Keep her away from older guys who show a sexual interest in her -- and they will. Make sure the guys she dates in high school are within a year or two of her her age.

  You're the parent. So parent.

  I love my daughter dearly, but I do wish I had done some things differently. Some of those things I wish I had done, I just described to you.

  One last thought. If she is not doing well in school, do get her tested for things like ADD to make sure she doesn't have a learning problem. Sometimes a learning problem can look like a laziness problem.

  Good luck.

  —AKA Smith Read AKA Smith's other letters
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