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• Thursday, November 20, 2008 11:25 AM

  Take it from a 25 year old single male

  This stuff is not as hard as everyone seems to want to make it.

  I understand why everyone wants to fall back on cultural standards and societal cues to know how to act; I just don't think it's necessary. Like a growing number of 20-something males, I've learned that if you approach people with respect, these things are easy enough to sort out between consenting adults.

  I think what I'm trying to say is: there never was an obligation for feminism to provide a dating guidebook. Nor should there be an expectation. Are we trying to say, "Sure, we [powers that be] will accept feminism, equal rights and all that includes, but only on the condition that you're clear about what you want so that we can [with our shriveled cave-man, really-just-tools-for-seed-sowing minds] can understand the new rules." I feel like this sort of article reenforces that notion.

  Maybe other people my age feel the burden and baggage of tradition and traditional roles more than I do. But I can tell you that when you approach people with honest respect and conduct yourself continually with such respect you:

  a) Are able to date more or less as often as you want with overwhelmingly—though luckily the future of indie-rock, not exclusively—positive results.

  b) Find that each relationship you're in is a little bit different from the last in meaningful, often educational ways.

  and c) Learn that traditional gender roles are good for a whole lot less than you thought they were.

  And the best part is, it does not not matter whether you become "a husband, a co-parent, a sperm donor, a relationship, a threesome, or a temporary place to live," it's no body's business but your own.

  —bloorstmystery Read bloorstmystery's other letters
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