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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Don't forget that most women feel entirely justified to slap a man if he insults her. But men are told not to hit a woman under any circumstances.
other freedoms women enjoy that men largely do not...
- freedom from coercion into going to war on behalf of the state
- ability to emotionally work people over-- speeding tickets, favors from men, the list goes on.
- ability to make money off one's body-- there is little market for this among women, and the few men who do it have stunning bodies.
- privilege to be able to marry an earner, stay home, raise kids, nurture oneself, start a part time business, float to school on the other gender's dime-- YES, men can do most of this, but VERY few men do it, the ones that do have tons of horror stories to tell, the wives feel like chumps often times, there is no recognized place for men in this society in this way.
- privilege to complain ceaselessly about the opposite sex but being able to shut down any criticism of one's own sex.
- privilege of being selected first, getting off the sinking ship first, being treated with common courtesy-- yes, this is fading, but yes chivalry still exists, and yes, lots of women do not feel equally chivalrous in the opposite direction.
- privilege of feeling like the opposite sex cares for or is concerned about one's well being or about the concerns of one's sex-- I prove on here nearly daily that my concerns concern the opposite sex not a whit.
- privilege of NOT having to be a super achiever to have a shot at a decent person of the opposite sex-- men are still on that rat treadmill and always will be.
These are not small things. many of these freedoms and privileges are quite large scale, far reaching, long lasting, life changing, and provide for a completely different experience of life.
This is really the heart of the issue: men and women have different problems and it takes effort to see a point of view other than your own. The main reason men don't feel OK in their own skin is that the only problem they can't manage fairly effectively is the trouble they have attracting the opposite sex and they don't see why anyone who didn't have that problem wouldn't feel OK. Women of course, DON'T have that particular problem, at least not in the same form, and so they refuse to believe that men do either, or that if they do it is their own fault, not really a problem, etc. etc. and they refuse to belive men when men tell them that if men could fuck anyone they wanted anytime they wanted they SINCERELY would not care whether everyone hung on their every word or not.
- the freedom to maintain an emotionally supportive network despite being married-- how many men isolate themselves in a marriage, if they were even fortunate enough to have close compatriots whom they could lean on? Women consider it virtually criminal if a man dares to even impinge on the woman's right to her network.
- the freedom to have society, with its legal structures, consider your position over that of the other sex. Men are always under suspicion for something and treated as such. Makes one not want to bother to be good. This tears into men horribly come divorce time. Men are really taught by women to hate other men, since it IS a zero sum game, apparently.
- the freedom to study ballet or some other traditionally female endeavor without being considered gay-- admittedly, had I the balls when I was younger, I would have just done it rather than caring what others think. BUT the damage was done.
- the freedom to AVOID having to like things like football, or drinking to excess, or some other vulgar, stupid thing in order to be part of the group of men. Do women only deal with women who like crocheting? It is ludicrous.
the more one thinks about it, the more one discovers a metastasizing and recombinant ocean of privileges and freedoms and rights women regularly enjoy. AT WILL.
God, to come back as a beautiful and brainy 19 year old woman...
This could be an elaborate fantasy on the part of "Ms. Beech." But after having explored SeekingArrangement.com, it strikes me that the site is basically AdultFriendFinders.com for coquettes and wealthy sleeze-balls. No big deal, really.
Bravo for your piece. Very sensible, real, thoughtful thinking. I rarely agree with every point letter writers give on these threads but in this instance I did.
I do think there is a huge number of very lonely women out there. It is (partly) because of them that prostitution is illegal. Men can go find a prostitute at any time but desperate women have limited opportunities. I see nothing wrong with prostitution - it is an answer to a demand. I do find it conspicuous that there is few-to-none male prostitutes to service women. I think the lack of demand in this realm ought to be studied to understand women more. I bet there would be some surprises.
..........
As for Brightstar, dickdworkin and the rest of the bitter, judgemental men...if you guys weren't such assholes I would have suggested you go find one of those lonely women except you would only make their life more miserable.
I do find it conspicuous that there is few-to-none male prostitutes to service women. I think the lack of demand in this realm ought to be studied to understand women more. I bet there would be some surprises.
If women ever have as much money of their own at the upper echelons of class as men do, then you might see more of them seeking arrangements. They would buy more than just sex but companionship as well.
However, I don't think we will see this for a long time. Reasons:
1. Still, women don't have that sort of money unless they are widows. With men divorcing and trading in their older wives for younger wives, there will be fewer rich widows.
2. Women are actually pretty good at maintaining social relationships. Companionship (not sexual) can be had from grown children (mostly daughters), mothers, sisters, female friends. Women make emotional connections better than men do. Too often, men depend upon women for emotional as well as sexual connections. They don't as often share their souls with other men. Too bad. Women don't need to purchase sex to assuage mere loneliness.
3. Menopause. It changes a woman's sexuality. When hormone replacement therapy was prescribed for women, they kept their sex drive longer. Now, with the health warnings, that is not an option for most older women. After menopause, women often just don't miss sex (IMO) as much as men because our bodies are different. Don't use it and you lose it. I doubt a drug in the nature of Viagra could replicate the more global and less specific nature of female arousal.
When the time comes that women are paid and promoted just as men are, then there may women accessing male prostitutes.
For women, political equality still comes down to Pay Equity. The other half of the equation is controlling our reproduction. There is really no good time of her life when a woman can have a child, nurse a child, and stay home in the early preschool years without losing out in the job market. That is part of the reason that you see highly educated career women actually giving up their careers to become SAHMs. Combining conscientious mothering and a high-powered career is just too difficult for most women.
However, when women make that choice, they are very much at the mercy of the success of their marriages.
We hear a lot here at Broadsheet about why men are angry. Sometimes it is completely overlooked why women might be angry.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
