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• Thursday, December 4, 2008 07:50 AM

  Is he married?

  If he'd said nothing during the interview, called her later and dated her, and then gave her gifts and paid for her apartment while they got together for laughs and sex over the last year, no one would be asking questions.

  He defined the relationship as lacking any soul when he approached her and proposed it as a mercenary "deal" rather than just asking her out.

  Why did he do that? Does he lack confidence in who he is as a person such that he felt he had to use his money to get her to date or sleep with him?

  Or is he simply a married (or not?) guy who gives her money because he (a) has no interest in an emotionally intimate relationship - just sex with someone other than his wife and (b) can't offer her a lot of time, attention or a future together so he gives money instead?

  I think we tend to judge women who sleep with guys for any reason other than "love" - if she said she loved him or he loved her, we'd be more forgiving.

  I also think we mistake a lot of things for love - codependency, financial security (again, it's okay if we inject love into the equation even if a woman stays in a relationship just for financial stability), etc.

  I feel sorry for this young woman that she may be passing up finding an actual relationship while wasting her time with this guy. Or she may not be capable of a real emotional connection. It's sad.

  —mattielisbon Read mattielisbon's other letters
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