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A woman I know in her twenties is dating a man almost twice her age. She has never dated a man of that age before, but she keeps seeing him because he is a nice, thoughtful person. However, she complains about lack of "chemistry." I asked her if she thought she had this feeling because of his age and she genuinely didn't know. However, it wouldn't surprise me if she did.
When I divorced, I was over 35. Because I am rather old-fashioned -- the faithful type -- dating seemed quite new to me. However, the rules seemed to have changed. All of that was a bit of an adjustment, but the most difficult thing was trying to find older men attractive -- and unmarried, of course. Ironically, it was younger men who asked me out. One, whom I turned down, was a mere twenty years old.
So I coasted along, dating somewhat younger men. In that entire time since, I have never dated a man who was older than me. In fact, I have rarely had a man who is older than me ask me out.
Now, at last, I look a bit more my age, and I JUST DON'T FIND OLD FELLAS THAT ATTRACTIVE.
I do wonder if other women have ever had that experience of having to adjust the idea of men's sexuality and attractiveness in their heads. I actually think older women look prettier than old men. (Maybe I should switch!)
Just musing a bit here, but it seems to me that the primary feature of aging for women under menopause age who don't smoke is that they get a bit fatter. This is not so unattractive. In pictures through the history of art (until our present obsession with thinness -- soon to go away in the coming depression) women have been shown as being plump and attractive. Marilyn Monroe was hardly thin. Take a look at those thighs! So getting fatter for women seems natural.
Also, even with more weight, women's gaits does not seem to change much (unless they get quite obese).
However, when men get fat, it is rather unpleasant. (Yes, I know it is awful to say so!) Their weight can be like a basketball in front of the abdomens. Since it does not generally distribute, they look rather like insects. Fat men move strangely, sort of stiff, with their bellies carried forward like an aggressive force. You have seen those fat cops who practically thrust their bellies at people as a form of physical assertion.
On the other hand, after fifty, women -- especially women who smoke -- tend to get more wrinkles. I don't think I am imagining this. I think it is because most men shave, which everyday is a process of exfoliation. It could also be because women use their faces more to express emotion.
I don't know what all this means or even if anyone else thinks of these things. It really is hard to get older and it is undeniable that people get judged by superficial things like looks and income. People who are still looking (sometimes desperately) but remain unmated must have a dreadful adjustment.
Frankly, they have my sympathy -- as long as they do not have any really annoying and whiny personal perspective that manifests as severe narcissism.
(We all know of whom I speak.)
The most obvious trait of narcissism is a railing against fate. Narcissists have a terrible time with things like aging or diminishing income because they think that they are entitled.
(Who do we know who acts as if he should be entitled?)
When we see someone obviously struggles with the ugly dregs of narcissism, we might feel a twinge of pit, but it is pointess to argue with them.
Really.
They can be in treatment for 10 years for their personality disorder and hardly make a dent in it. Old narcissists don't mellow. They just get desperate and bitter.
