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• Saturday, December 6, 2008 09:15 AM

  Another misconception some men seem to have:

  That the purpose of dating is so that a woman can TRAP them into marriage.

  Bah!

  After my divorce, I decided that I was pretty happy as a single mom, focused upon finishing college and bringing up my daughter. At no point was I interested in marriage. In fact, I dumped men who were interested in marriage. For me, dating was just dating -- something to do, a way to pass the time, a way to meet interesting guys.

  Only, often I was too busy even to date. I wanted as high a GPA as I could get. I wanted to be the best mother that I could be. Men were rather down on my list of things to worry about.

  After I had been single awhile, I realized that I never wanted to marry again. Men may have worried about finding sex. I was more concerned with finding a man who would carry his weight. What good would it do me to find a man who wanted me to take care of him, who thought that I should work, take care of my child, AND be a housekeeper for him? The idea of the usual second shift appalled me. I wanted a man who truly willing to do HALF of the housework and cooking -- if I was to want to a man on a long term basis at all. Marriage or a LTR didn't seem like a very good deal to me.

  I know lots of women like me. Lots and lots of women who, after having been in bad relationships/marriages, decided quite deliberately to opt our of any serious search for a mate. Many of them are quite willing to forego the higher income/status that they might get by marrying. For many of us, it's not about money or sex or status. It's about freedom and peace of mind and time to pursue our own interests, quite selfishly. Single mothers make lots of sacrifices. Finally, my time is my own.

  —AKA Smith Read AKA Smith's other letters
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