I'm not a fan of toilet talks, myself (I actually hate it when I head off to the john and loyal girlfriends decide to make it a group trip). But I can tell you what I'm doing in there -- just taking my time. Nothing excessive, just the usual business, but I personally don't see the need to rush. To me, it's less like a gentlemen's club and more like a smoke break.

Speaking as a man that spends quite a lot of time in an office building's men's room that gets quite a lot of traffic, I can honestly say that in the toilet area there is little to no talk at all, and ever since Larry Craig's "wide stance" incident there has been even less.

But in the back part of the office building men's room, that I use, there are showers and lockers, and in that area there is quite a lot of very interesting conversation going on. In the locker room/showers I have gotten everything from stock tips, to marital advice, to cheating advice (don't worry I never use any of it), to parenting advice, and information on how to find everything from quality dress wear for men (we never talk about fashion), to theater tickets, to the best place to find a good time.

It was the same way in a ship's male berthing area, which was basically a bedroom I shared with a 100 other guys from literally every state in the union, and in the lounge area of said bedroom there was quite a lot of interesting conversation going on. But the lounge environment was a lot like "fight club", and the first rule of fight club is; we do not talk about fight club. And the second rule of fight club is; we do not talk about fight club. And trust me, women you do not want to know what men talk about in the male berthing areas of US navy ships.

...it's those self-centered twits who use their foot on the flush lever. While they are supposedly avoiding the cooties (don't they wash their hands afterwards anyway?), they're SPREADING whatever stuff they've walked through to the next person to use the toilet. Comes the revolution, these people should be shot.

Just a thought, but... isn't this informal networking in the ladies' room the same deal as what allegedly happens when people huddle together to smoke on the boss's dime?

I don't actually know about the smoking-as-networking-key thing, since I can't stand cigarettes and never could. The key here is... networking.

My hunch is that the globetrotting supermoms probably need to micromanage their time to the point where greasing their career wheels over a vodka tonic in the bar just isn't viable, so they settle on the bathroom stalls. I can only wonder how many of them dish on beach-house deals while weilding a breast pump...

Once, a long time ago, I had a job where the men's room was useful. This was because it had a foyer area around a bend from where the heavy use happened. But, in the intervening decades, something has happened: men's rooms are smaller, and the people in them are no longer as healthy. So now such conversations have to occur elsewhere.

...because nine times out of ten they 1) aren't saying anything worth listening too; 2) are doing so to talk about superficial nonsense or trash other women. Some people really never get out of high school, I swear...

Re: missing stall doors--my brother told me the boys at our grade school used to swing on them.

I've heard rumors that for some reason the stalls in men's, but not ladies', rooms often have the doors missing. I have also heard rumors that they are often missing from both boys' and girls' rooms in schools. People in the education business - can you give us any explanation as to why?

STEP 1 check the toilet seat for dryness.

STEP 2 carefully place toilet paper around the toilet seat to make it safe to sit on. Some only use a strip on the near end of the seat, others do a half circle, and finally the hygienically obsessed opt wallpaper the entire seat.

STEP 3 pull down trousers/ pull up skirt aim and place yourself onto the toilet seat WITHOUT THE CAREFULLY PLACED TOILET PAPER FALLING OFF.

STEP 4 if STEP 3 fails, repeat STEP 2 until successful. Go about your business.

STEP 5 flush everything, and make sure the toilet paper on the seat also goes down the drain and doesn't end up on the floor.

STEP 6 redress.

STEP 7 wash your hands, retouch your makeup, check your booty in the mirror.

Except for checking makeup, which I do not wear, I do every one of these things myself.

PS I'm a guy.

There's actually a lot more talking than the guys here are claiming.

If guys are talking on their way in, they -might- pause while pissing.

If a guy seems weak or sensitive, by all means talk to him in the can. Using the immediately adjacent urinal and talking can be great fun if it really sets him off. Especially if there are other guys there.

Pissing will not derail strategizing about getting women, getting rid of women, or sharing women. Yes, we're pigs.

Errata

I was stationed in a place where the toilets stalls had no walls. Worse yet, the toilets were a double row facing in so you were face to face with another shitting man. It wasn't long until we were talking, playing catch, etc. I think it started when with laughing at a guy with the squirts. Alsom catching something mid loaf is not a natural skill.

I go to a bar that has a window over top a piss-wall. Most people going into the bar walk right past the window. You bet your ass we talk about the women walking by. We also talk about any interesting cars or motorcycles.

Pissing outside is often a social activity. Crapping outside is not.

I mean it, thanks to the seat-coverers for sharing their neuroses with us. I had no idea.

Wouldn't it be easier just to, I dunno, not put your orifice on the seat cover? There's a hole in the seat it's supposed to go over. Your butt skin is not going to catch anything from touching the seat.

As for the squatters - if you pee on the seat, there ought to be a law that you clean up after yourself. With your tongue.