Look, pretty much everyone's miserable. Let's move on, shall we?

I wonder how much Focus on the Family is paying this woman?

Except when I'm around conventional-minded, judgmental people!

I'm not lonely, but my boyfriend was before he met me!

And I'm sitting on a pile o' cash I made all by myself.

What's not to like?

Look, if broadsheet is going to throw a hissy fit every time some no-good incompetent has something stupid to say that at least tangentially touches on the concept of 'womanhood' you all WILL end up bitter and irritated. This sor5t of nonsense isn't really worth two thoughts.

Our culture assumes everyone will get married, so I guess it's expected that our culture will jump to the conclusion that unmarried people, not being the norm, are unhappy.

Furthermore, our culture's sexism will assume that single women are even more unhappy than single men.

As someone who's 38 and never married, I actually feel like I dodged a bullet. When I was in my 20s, I assumed I'd get married some day, and assumed I'd want to. When it didn't happen, I had time to analyse my assumptions and realise I was happy it had never happened!

(By the way, what ever happened to that happy medium between alone and married called dating? Quite pleasant, that.)

I sometimes wonder if our species (not just our culture) is pro-pair-bonding and pro-parent because it leads to the perpetuation of the species. If too many people discover how happy they can be without the baggage of a spouse and children, it really wouldn't be good for our continuence (putting aside for a moment overpopulation in our current times).

I think a nice counterpoint would be a book or study called "Happy Singles: How The Secret Got Out".

How silly! I am married - have been for over 2 decades - and I think I'm pretty happy (but, who knows, maybe my body language says otherwise). Does that mean I automatically assume that single women are miserable, that they could not possibly be happy? No. Married or not married - some people are happy some are not. I would never presume that someone is unhappy simply because they are single. And, that body language stuff is crock. What a putz this women is!

I remember reading the results of a study that said that the happiest groups were married men and single women. If a woman is financially secure and doesn't want kids, why should she get married? She can have male companionship and keep her freedom. Here's one more instance of the double standard; single men are considered swinging bachelors, but single women are supposedly "lonely." Spurr sounds like she just stepped out of the nineteen-fifties. She's really talking about herself. She feels like she's worthless without a man and she projects it onto her patients--what single woman in her right mind would go see her after seeing this article?--and random unsuspecting strangers.

...so where are the articles bemoaning the plight of sad male singletons, huddled over pints with their buddies, ordering takeout in dingy apartments and haunted by generalized feelings of loneliness and despair?

They're all over the place, actually. Who do you think the audience for "pick-up artist" articles is, anyway?

I gave up dating, my therapist, and threw out my antidepressants, all in the same day...that was several years ago, and I seem to be humming along very happily.

If I had married, somehow, I don't think I ever could have come out or started transitioning. I would have stayed miserable and I would have made another woman miserable.

There are certain advantages in being married but happiness is rarely one of them. How many married people do you know who are really happy because they are married?

"I sometimes wonder if our species (not just our culture) is pro-pair-bonding and pro-parent because it leads to the perpetuation of the species."

Nothing to wonder about there. The reason is that cultures to whom pair bonding and child rearing were not important simply died out.

Ever heard of the Shakers? Sort of an extreme example from the opposite side, but seriously having children, also known as reproducing, is LITERALLY the meaning of life.

Now, you might just be a semi-sentient being who is now saying to themselves "well, it's not the meaning of *MY* life," and you know what, you would be right. However, you're just an anomaly that evolution will take care of given enough time. That's no reason not to whoop it up while you're here. I say go for it and more power to you.

There's a word for people to whom pair bonding and reproducing is important: ancestors.

I don't get why this is so hard to figure out.

56, single, active. Sometimes I wrestle with the lonely thing but for the most part (97%/+-1)it's a non-issue. The "arms across the chest" stance is a "closed position" and is used as a defense tactic for those who feel vulnerable or lack self confidence. Most who are made aware of this and are given an understanding of it drop the "habit" right away.

Many women I meet have low confidence levels, very apparent....and sadly, so do most men I know. Pitty Partys of one form or another. It's an easy fix, the hardest part being that swim to the shore from the middle of the eddy.

But, to put these things under the guise of "Shame" or lack of "Happiness", then relate it to some kind of deception???....

Well that's the wrong bunny trail IMHO.

You need to become yourself, you need to inherit your identity. About 98% of your time is spent on other things besides knowing who you are. We have shielded against knowledge of ourselves. We need to understand that there is something missing.

always has a chance to marry a man, as long as she does not demand Mr. Perfect and is not psycho.

A sad sack man has less-to-no-chance to marry, hence VOYLA! married men are, through the power of data chicanery, magically 'happier'!