Letters to the Editor
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okay I'll back off a ~bit~
I was pretty angry when I saw this attack on Obama (see my previous post) which I believe in my heart to be making something out of not only nothing - but an actual kind thing to say.
Then I realized that Obama and I come from the same part of the country, and I'm wondering if my exacerbation over the anti-"sweetie" bruhaha isn't in part because I simply can't fathom this being anything other than a kind thing to say to someone. And maybe that's an Illinois/Chicago area thing. A regional colloquialism.
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@ sagcat
Did you actually read the article? Traister did not call Obama sexist. Give me one quote where she did. You can't.
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Oops
I like Obama very much and have donated to his campaign. I can't stand Hillary Clinton - her gender means nothing to me. But the Sweetie incident was a an Oops. Not a huge one, but an Oops nevertheless.
In my opionion a man or woman should only call someone honey or sweetie if they know the person well. I don't like being called honey by a waitress - it's not cute, it's annoying.
Obama would never dream of calling a male reporter buddy or dude or man - it's too informal unless they are friends and are talking in private. To call a female reporter sweetie is not cute, but patronizing.
Obama has an accomplished wife and two young daughters - I doubt he would want a man to refer to Michelle or the kids as sweetie if the guy isn't a relative or friend of the Obama family.
Also: Michelle Obama would not have called a female or male reporter sweetie or honey - I'm certain of that.
I think Obama has learned his lesson. I still want him to be Prez. He's not flawless, but he's the best of the bunch by a long shot.
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@ AKA Smith
She accused him of perpetuating sexism through use of a sexist term... but she didn't outright write the phrase "Obama is a sexist." Don't split hairs.
And I need to shower before I go out in half an hour... gotta fly so I won't be on for anymore indignation tonight.
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Well done
A good, thoughtful piece. Much appreciated. It made me think and rethink how I feel about this, and its importance, significance and meaning.
Nice work, Rebecca.
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@sagcat
For what it's worth: I acknowledge in my piece that there are places and instances in which "sweetie" is used in reference to strangers of both sexes. That said, I lived in Chicago for four years of my adult life, and never heard it used in a social or professional setting. If anything, I heard terms of casual endearment used less in the urban midwest than in New York City.
That was just my limited experience, but I was surprised to hear you cite "sweetie" as a common Chicago colloquialism.
Best,
Rebecca
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@ Rebecca
"Sweetie" may not be common in Chicago, but it is common to black culture everywhere. I say that as a person who has lived in NYC, Miami, and traveled extensively and have worked with many African Americans. As i said earlier, many of my bosses call me sweetie- even though i am a guy- and most who do are black. I also get it alot from black family members of patients- and this was in NYC and Miami and a few other places i've worked for shorter periods. So maybe it comes from that side of his "experience"?
Either way.
Who cares.
My BOSSES call me sweetie. I am a guy. I don;t feel demeaned.
Please tell me, should i be offended? Are these women being demeaning despite the fact that their intentions are kind? Should they be taught a lesson and stopped from calling me "sweetie" since, after all, they ARE MY BOSSES.
Can i take em to court for harrasment?
I mean it.
If you want to make hay out of this, first off, address the cultural differences in language and professional relationships among different cultures that arent white- Hispanics and blacks both EXPECT more familiarity than whites in general- something you ignore. And second, if its offensive for him to use the word, is it wrong for my bosses to do so?
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Well, I think this is a bit over the top...
I get the premise, I get the argument, but to me it smacks just a little of people needing to get over themselves a bit and not being SO goddamn sensitive, particularly when the guy apologized.
What I don't get is what AKA Smith meant by saying that "Obama supporters" probably wouldn't even understand Traister's argument. I haven't read the entire thread, but what the hell was that supposed to mean, since we're all measuring our every word so goddamn carefully?
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Jebus who cares
How did this even make Broadsheet headlines? There's nothing offensive about it, and you people are way over-analyzing it.
I bet you if Hilary Clinton did the same thing to a man, Broadsheet wouldn't even take notice.
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This is surreal
I call my husband "sweetie." I hope he doesn't sue, or write something like this. He probably won't, because he seems to like it.
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Glad that he - at least - gets it
Antiscia wrote: "The word 'sweetie' is not offensive, it is not rude, and it is not sexist (I've called many a boyfriend 'sweetie' and have seen many other girls do the same.) It's also not just reserved or appropriate for waitresses to use it, either."
The fact that we call our intimates "sweetie" is exactly the point here. It's not appropriate from a waitress just because it's common.
The assertion of intimacy where none exists betrays insecurity and a cheap attempt to alleviate it. That insecurity may be a chronic approach to life or a series of fleeting moments of fatigue/overwhelm. When centered and comfortable in our own skins, we don't go around staking claim to non-intimates in this way.
Endearments certainly can feel warm and affectionate when one is a speaker's spouse or child, but in this case only three people inhabit that intimate circle. As a voter who supports Obama, I do get it and am proud that he gets it enough to apologize the way he did.