Letters to the Editor
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Smile, Baby
Excuse me, no.
I hate that. I'm not here for you to look at, and I'm not here to change how I look to make you happy. I'm smile if I want to.
I like a compliment as much as anyone, but if it doesn't come with respect, it's no compliment at all.
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attn: women
You know you all love it when some good looking dude in a suit eyes you up and down. Maybe even smiles and makes eye contact. That's acceptable.
But whenever it's someone who isn't good looking..... harassment.
Am I wrong??
My solution for you girls: if you're going to freak, just wear huge sweatsuits everywhere, seriously. Don't expect to wear the ef-me pumps and tight ass clothes and low cut top (or any combination of those) and not get looks.
I think Wolfe had a great line about this stuff in Bonfire.
And remember, we're sexual beings, that's why we're here. Yeah, even you!
(audible cat-calling is obviously over the line)
But this BS post is stupid. Of course people like validation.
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Street Hassle
A family friend was catcalled by a group of young men, and answered back. Later they attacked her with a knife, slashing her face and neck. One of the assailants' girlfriends testified that they were trying to kill her. So if you think it can't escalate, think again.
I spent decades of my life being hassled on the street. Sometimes people are just being nice, but often they are trying to intimidate you, and it is very easy to distinguish between the two. One of the best things about nearing 40 is that the catcalls have finally almost stopped. It is such a relief to be left alone to go about my business in peace.
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The escalating thing
Late response to those saying there's a world of difference between a catcaller and a potential attacker -- sure, but the whole point is that you don't necessarily know.
I used to live and work in a neighborhood of Boston where catcalling is fairly normal, and my ten-minute walk to work each day was pretty much a gauntlet of whistling and hollering men. Most of the time it was fine, and yeah, it was even a compliment sometimes. I usually just smiled and went on my way. But one day, I'd had a bad time at work. I went out to grab some lunch, in a bad temper, just interested in putting something in my belly and getting back to the grindstone. And when a guy (one of a group hanging out on the side of the street) hollered out something along the lines of "hey baby," I just wasn't in the mood to flirt back. I walked on past without looking. His response was to holler after me, until I was out of earshot, "What's the matter, you can't say thank you?" over and over. He stepped towards me as well, his whole demeanor imposing and threatening. The creepiest bit was that, when I walked back to work half an hour later, he recognized me and started demanding gratitude all over again.
Yeah, that was scary. And it gets to the heart of why a lot of catcalling bothers me -- because it demands something of me, and it assumes I'll be grateful.
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"Are guys really dumb enough to believe..."
Generalize much?
For every catcall you get, how many HUNDREDS of men do you pass on the street who either ignore you completely or treat you with politeness?
That out of the way, however, catcalling isn't meant to be a compliment. It's posturing. Bunch of hooting orangutans, trying to impress each other.
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my pet peeve
is "Smile, baby! You'd look prettier!"
I got this six weeks after Katrina while walking from my old home in Mid-City to the French Quarter because that's where the nearest open grocery stores were.
This was a 2+ mile walk, each way, through a flooded-out neighborhood with search-and-rescue tags spray-painted on the houses (letting the world know how many bodies were found inside) and maggot-infested refrigerators left on the sidewalks for pick-up.
For all the "Smile, baby!" guy knew, I could have lost friends, family, everything I own. So I looked him in the eye, pretended like I was going to cry, and said "My mother just died."
He never bothered me again.
And my (very much alive) mother loves this story.
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"You know you all love it when some good looking dude in a suit eyes you up and down."
LOL - a dude in a suit, meaning with lots of money, eyes me to consider whether to "buy" me or not? That's probably your fantasy of how you wish you could be.
And you outdid yourself by mentioning Tom Wolfe. Yowza!
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What Ladies Like
You would think you (radical) feminists at this point would stop talking about what women want or like since generally radical feminist views are shared by a minority of women. I once heard a woman say "everyone likes to be objectified... sometimes". It's fairly straight forward to interpret the difference between a compliment and harassment. Some women, especially in blogs like this, consider any male attention harassment. So be it. FYI...I believe there are reverse brain washing centers you can go to if you need to detox from your women's studies programs.
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@Patrick Morgan
My post was not directed to you. It was a response to Judy Berman's article.
To clarify, of course women like male admiration, just as men like female admiration. Through the years I have had many strangers smile at me, say hello or come up with some charming one-liner. Those are nice things that happen, and they come from polite men who have a clue about boundaries between human beings, who know how to register passing interest without offending, intimidating, or making a damn fool of themselves.
But catcalls are as low-class, demeaning and infuriating as the word itself implies. Show me a woman who enjoys them and I'll show you a woman who's pathetically grateful to be acknowledged at all.
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@Quiet Type
re: your response there to Patrick Morgan.
That's exactly what I've felt about this whole topic, it's all about boundaries folks.
one thought just occured to me - I guess one could say that "cat-calling" (the kind meant to demean) is really just a vocalization of the "male gaze" (my girlfriend taught me that term! :)