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I've never had a catcall I would deem "disrespectful." No references to "titties" (ugh, who even uses that word?), so yes, I take the catcalls I've received as a compliment, and I dread the day I stop getting them.
A whistle or a "hey baby" from a construction worker might not be too offensive, but when a group of adolescent boys that I had never seen before started screaming obscenities at me, their faces were contorted with such hatred that there was no mistaking the incident for what it was -- verbal rape. The difference between a crude compliment and an insult may be hard to define, but like the famous definition of pornography, I know it when I see it.
"You look nice today" or "that's a pretty skirt" are compliments and I always thank the person offering them.
Catcalls, "hey baby", "nice ass," and the like are completely unacceptable and make my blood boil. I do not rely on sexual harassment from strangers to bolster my self-esteem, thank you very much. These are not compliments, they're insults. Why on earth anyone thinks such disrespectful remarks are desirable, I don't know. There's a world of difference between a sincere "I think you're pretty" and the objectifying, intimidating leer of "nice titties." The latter is certainly not meant to convey admiration as much as potential ownership and the "right" of the speaker to judge the woman and remind her that she's just a piece of meat to him.
Interestingly, I've never been catcalled by anyone who would have a snowflake's chance in hell with an attractive woman. Hmm. Bitter much?
1.) If a guy actually says something as extreme as "Nice arse" or "I wanna squeeze those titties" (as opposed to, say, just a wolf whistle) to you, simply turn around and say --
"Nice bulge! Though it could be thicker..."
I guarantee you this will disarm him - probably leading to a laugh, a harmless retort or perhaps general embarassment. Use your discretion, of course.
********
2.) Maybe it's because I've lived in and visited cultures (Italy, Latin America, some parts of Caribbean) where whistling and ogling are still accepted...but the notion of a guy who catcalls being predisposed to sexual assault is frankly very ridiculous!
Don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating for catcalling, or objectification of women in general. I'm just saying that even though some/most of these men are loutish (think "The Todd" on Scrubs), it's a huuuuuuuuuuuge gulf between them and sexual assaulters.
{{Frankly, I'd be more worried about the creepy silent guy secretly eyeing you than the louts on the sidewalk...}}
Not only that...men don't just cat-call cause they're attracted to you sometimes its just to have a laugh with their buddies.
I remember walking down the street with my overweight mother...they would say something along the lines of how sexy she was and when we where further away start laughing loudly.
So if women think they are just getting compliments...the joke could be on them.
That seems like a ridiculous overstatement to me. If you're going to go there, can't *anything* escalate into an assault? (This was a quote from the post, I realize, not the Broadsheet poster.)
Been catcalled, ignore it, thank God for the iPod. But I'll always remember the one time I was "catcalled" by a woman on the street, who walked past me in my summer clothes and shoes and said, "Girl's got some nice toes...okay!"
She rocked.
we must be in sync today...
I have never catcalled a woman and will not before I die. But I know many women who openly admit that it can be good validation.
You do realize that there's a difference between some dodgy guy on a dark street who walks up next to you and makes some inappropriate advance and some frat guys or construction workers shouting out, "oh my my!"
Some women are tough and like a sexual world, and it has nothing to do with their feminist credentials. In my experience, those women who enjoy this have a shitload of self respect and are ardent advocates for women in general. We are all objects, even if we are also more, and sometimes it's good to know that your object is on fire.
Might I just suggest that for a great many women (especially the American sort) any validation, from whomever, however it is offered, is necessary to their self-esteem. Can you even imagine what would happen to female-kind if all men stopped admiring women for their physical attributes? To a great many women such a lack of attention would be completely maddening. I do not write these things to endorse cat-calling, I write these things to indicate what is an all-too-serious reality: namely, women need to be valued physically or else they sink into quite dire states of depression. Unfortunately, there are very few women who can go without positive, physical affirmation. Often these women I speak of dress in certain ways just so people (men or women) will compliment them or otherwise pay them attention. I personally think these women do a disservice to themselves and their whole gender by being so dependent on their physical form and the attention it is made to bring, but this is not a problem that I can solve. This is a problem women will have to solve should they ever develop a philosophy that actually promotes characteristics besides sassiness and sexiness.
So one comment from a pitifully insecure woman from the most sexually twisted corner of the universe, Los Angeles, is evidence that indeed some women want strangers on the street to talk to them like whores?
Okay, whatever you say.
Don't you ladies know that overthinking things gives you wrinkles, and nagging about how offended you are by compliments from men is so unattractive, humorless and lesbian?
Think less, hike up your skirt a little more, shut up and love what you can get.
I've always thought of catcalling as just the adolescent in a man coming out. Annoying & childish and they'd likely be embarrassed if their mother or significant other saw that side of them. I've never gained any self-esteem from having strange men yell things to me on the street. I think I must be one of those few women to whom Patrick Morgan refers. I don't need regular physical compliments (or whatever words he used) to keep up my sense of self worth. I sure as anything don't need it from strangers on the street.