http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/PollVault/Story?id=156921&page=4

It's buried a bit in the third paragraph under interplay.

I think I've seen it other places, but seaching through all the mess of sites google brings up is more than I want to do.

Why can't men be blamed regularly as part of commentary for every BS story??!!

I'm not blaming men for anything, I'm just suggesting that a man's lack of desire is his own problem.

I've been through the "I don't want you anymore" thing. It hurt like heck, especially when it came on the heels of me getting healthier, physically and mentally. Then I realized that his penis was his problem, not mine. So was his desire.

If what he really wanted was underweight women who weren't pregnant or within the first few years post-partum, that didn't create an obligation on my part to be underweight or to make the effects of our child on my body vanish. If he liked his women a bit depressed, that created no obligation on my part to be depressed. His narrow range of turn-ons was, and remains, his cross to bear. He gets to decide what to do about it, up to and including divorcing me, which he did. He also gets to let his penis override all other concerns in choosing my replacement, which he did.

I'm not angry, I'm amused. Schadenfreude is a guilty pleasure, but it's a pleasure nonetheless. The man has literally destroyed his life over the demands of his penis, and I'm grateful that the marriage laws are such that he didn't take me down with him.

Women of my generation were still raised to think that on some level our survival depended on catering to male whims, but it doesn't. We're better off when we take care of our financial needs ourselves, and we're certainly better off basing our self-esteem on things other than our ability to inspire erections. It's a painful shock to realize this, but a good one, not in the least because it frees up an enormous amount of time and energy. Among other things, I'm not feeling overworked anymore, and it's wonderful.

Men are going through a transitional stage right now, and it's hard. I can see that. I've also come to the conclusion that they have to work out their own salvation, which includes living through the fear and trembling part.

If they, in the process, render themselves unattractive to me (which many have, btw), that's fine. Along the same vein, if my own trip through life renders me unattractive to them, that's okay, too. It's even a good thing. Our ability to survive without marriage has given us unprecedented freedom to explore a wide range of possibilities.

Being unattractive to the modern man frees me up to be productive in ways that weren't open to my great-grandmother or even my mother. It even frees me up to engage in simple pleasures like a good book or a long walk. Any limp willies along the way are the problem of the person attached to the willy.

Conversely, this whole Fight Club/The Game mentality makes men unattractive to me. That certainly doesn't obligate them to drop it.

The point was made earlier, but no one has picked up on it, because apparently the wide extent of bisexuality is still a secret to many folks, probably because the Internet makes it so easy for men to hook up without having to risk going to a gay bar or bathhouse.

If your husband isn't interested in sex any more, he MAY just be tired, but given the statistics on infidelity, he may well be playing around, and if he is, he may very well be playing around with men.

Like the guy who posted earlier, I too have been hit on by married men numerous times. Although I once pooh-poohed the old supposedly Freudian wisdom that "everyone is a little bisexual", the more I see, the more I start to believe it. Of course, many of those men are really gay and not bisexual at all, even if they are married to women, but that's another topic.

For some couples this arrangement works well, because it allows the woman to go about her business of not-ever-having-sex-and-being-perfectly-happy-with-it, while the man gets to play on the side, all the while maintaining the illusion that bisexual or homosexual orientation is statistically rarer than it actually is.

Excellent post. There has been a paucity of man-blaming and derogatory generalizations about men in this thread. Why can't men be blamed regularly as part of commentary for every BS story??!!

Thanks for setting the record straight. Men are guilty, evil, and should be punished.

My husband stopped being interested in sex when my BMI hit the healthy range. By healthy, I don't mean overweight, I mean normal. Pregnancy? Post-partum? I was so repulsive that he divorced me to date a woman 10 years younger than I am. She's a lifelong addict with a few kids she bore while in high school, and she has a habit of maxing out credit cards, but by golly, she's young! She's hot! She's exciting! She's also getting sex from other men, but hey, a guy can overlook a few things as long as his willy is happy.

Post-divorce dating is a wasteland I don't even want to venture into, but the conclusion I've come to is that there's nothing sane we can do. So he loses interest. Now what? Lose weight? Why, especially when study after study shows that it doesn't work very well over the long term and might not be as healthy as everyone thinks. I don't mind eating right and exercising. I enjoy both, but being fit is different from being thin, especially at 40. Being thin actually looks like hell at my age. Being thin and tanned makes you look like something they dug up in Egypt.

The conclusion I've come to is that chasing after sex isn't worth it. If men want porn instead of me, they're welcome to it. If they want unstable young hotties, they can have those, too. They are, in my view, free to go after whatever gratification they like. It works just fine for me, but then again, I'm an unabashed sexual camel. I have urges toward orgasm, but no overwhelming urge to be social about it. It's just a nice way to ease the tension at the end of the day.

Why do we have to take it personally if men don't want us? If a man is repulsed by anything that hasn't gone through Photoshop, why is that my problem? If a man is repulsed by the effects of normal aging and the female lifecycle, why is that my problem? I've learned as I've gotten older not to take rejection personally. Just shrug it off and move on.

Responding to someone else's rejection of us as if it was our problem is a trap, and it's long past time women stopped getting stuck in it.