I may have misunderstood what you said (being of the opposite gender and all that), but I disagree that being "the Perfect Gentleman" is the best strategy.

You misunderstood. You're right about that, at least.

As for the rest of your post, it seems clear that you've bought into the female rationalizations for male/female relationship failures, the bogus love doctors of the Oprah/Dr. Phil school of feminine fulfullment. Don't do that to yourself. Listen to me instead.

Notice that there are dozens of 'relationship coaches' for women - on the tube, in the glossy girl magazines, in the stores - but hardly any for men.

Analyze this: Why do you suppose that is?

You figure that out, and figure out the consequences of that fact, and you're half the way to realizing that everything I've said here is the hard, hard truth.

It is incumbent upon the guy to be a gentleman and to act with true class at all times, so as to conserve his own self-respect and his own self-control and to make it impossible for him to be the blame for any relationship failure. You got to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. And when to walk away. And never look back.

It is the only way. If you can't do that you're setting yourelf to be a chump for a woman who could simply use you or get strung out over a woman who doesn't know what she wants.

Happens all the time. How many times has it happened to you?

It's up to the guy to decide what he wants for himself, and no woman is going to do that for him. You have to do your thinking with the big head. The little head is stupid and can't think about anything else. A woman may not like him for it, but she can respect a guy who can leave her.

Let me give you one piece of useful advice: never ever ever discuss sex in any way with a woman unless you're in bed with her or in a clinic. That's the fastest way to turn a woman off. She's knows that's what you want: with her, it's an article of faith. It's old news. If you don't talk about it and she's otherwise interested in you sexually, she's going to be intrigued and is going to want to know why. She doesn't want you to talk sex, but she does want you to validate her sexuality by showing interest. Don't give it to her. Withhold sex. Make her work for it. You'll be to third base in no time.

Why do you suppose women get hot for gay men? It's not because they're so much better-looking - it's because they're a challenge to women who understand men mostly in terms of male attraction to women. Women expect men to desire them, and it drives them nuts when they're not.

Remember this, and keep it with you, always.

being of the opposite gender and all that

Oops.

Thought you were a guy. Sorry about that.

Do skip my last post, responding to yours. It wouldn't have any value at all to a woman.

"how are men supposed to do this? how are men supposed to do that?" Gee, poor things. So, feeble and all.

As someone who is very direct when I speak, and could seldom be misunderstood, I have found that men only hear what they want to hear, as well as ignore that which gets in the way their "comfort zones." If you don't want to have sex, and say so, they think you mean for them to try a new arousal technique and that'll do the trick! Fact it, some men don't want to take "no" for an answer. Then what?

Given they only half-listen anyway, what are women supposed to do? The old thing, "men don't listen," is not accurate. Men don't hear.

Some thoughts:

I am female. How come I suck at multitasking?

I have male friends, some of years standing. I never hear them complain that we don't have sex because one or the other of us was clear at some point that that was not the purpose of the relationship.

Some people are living in the dark ages. I pay for meals. It works this: He pays for a meal. I pay for a meal. He pays for a meal. I pay for a meal. Yes, it is true that men sometimes want to pay for more than their share of meals, but why should I let them? Just so one of them can complain that I am just using him? If I pay for my share of meals, he can't make that charge.

Women have every right to keep their options open just as men do. Having as many options as possible is just the intelligent way to live. But that doesn't have to mean being dishonest. What is so difficult about communicating one's thinking? (Okay, for some people it is difficult.) Saying "I am not let ready to define this relationship" is fair indication that you intend to take it slow. Just because some one wants to close a deal by saying in effect "This used car is only available this week" doesn't mean you have to buy it. I tend to say "Take your used car and shove it."

The only time I don't communicate really directly is if a guy gives me some big stalker-ish rush. Then I just let silence do the talking for me. I don't like guys like that, so I just don't answer the phone.

I don't like guys who are in a hurry. I have never liked guys who are in a hurry. If they are in a hurry, then they don't want what I want. If I miss out, then I figure I haven't missed much. In my whole life, I have never wanted sex just to get laid. I always want the relationship. I some point early on, I make that clear.

Am I hard to get? Uh.. Yeah! Is that game playing? No. It's how I really am.

Why is that people in this thread want some sort of template? Sure, it's nice when people are direct, but not all people are able to be that way. Sometimes people are just shy or confused or socially awkward. Wouldn't it be utterly boring if we were all the same?

Definition of game playing: Doing a contrived X to achieve a manipulated Y. Result is usually a big snore ending in zzzzzzzzzzzz --- zip.