I don't think that was the point of all these "she gave me crazy mixed signals" posts. That the guys didn't get a leg over is only incidental to the larger problem, which is that now they can't trust what's in front of their eyes. If you can't trust your own perception, what else is there? It really shatters your confidence not as a member of the dating public, but as a reasonable, intelligent person when you react to a very obvious signal X, only to find out that even though person was giving off signal X, they were thinking signal Y and never bothered to tell you. Its not fun discovering you've been played for a sucker.

It really blows having to try to read someone else's mind if they're telling you one thing ("not tonight!") but really mean another ("chase me!") and then have the balls to get *pissed* when you take them at their word. I know its an easy thing to say because I'm not the one who really liked that person, but to those guys I say you're really better off without them.

PS: both sexes give mixed signals. I did a dance of "I have no idea what the hell is going on" with a guy for *months* over the summer and again last fall. I pretty sure we were just really good friends, but there were at least two instances where it dawned on me that we might have been on a date, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I still don't know, but he's since moved away so the point is kind of moot now.

In further conversation, she reveals that if I had been more pushy and aggressive she would have probably forgotten about the other guy and just gone with it.

In conclusion, it appears that 'no' does not always mean 'no'.

Wrong. No means no, always.

Men need to learn that they are under no obligation to try to second-guess what a woman says.

Men also need to learn when a woman is genuinely interested and when they're just being used.

Let the woman control the situation and decide the Yes or No or it - but also let the woman know by your behavior that she does not control you. Do that by withdrawing, but be classy about it: be sweet to her and let her know you understand. Your best strategy is always to be a Perfect Gentleman about it at all times.

And then make yourself less available. A lot less.

If she still wants something after that, make her work for it. Don't make the mistake of giving yourself away to her. Don't hang on the phone with her: if she wants to talk to you, make a date. And for God's sake don't you pursue her. Let her figure out what she wants. Don't try making up her mind for her.

You, Sir, were being used. She had no real desire to have sex with you. She just needed you to stroke her ego. Oh, you might have eventually gotten lucky once or twice or a few times, but ultimately she just wanted you as a pet, and could have kept you around for that purpose even when pursuing a more serious relationship with somebody else. Which is what she did. And you let her, chump.

Degrading, huh? It happens. It happens a lot. It happened to you. Learn from it.

Men are sexual objects to women every bit as much as women are sexual objects to men. Sexual women automatically categorize prospective men they meet three ways: men they want to have sex with ASAP, men they may want to have sex with someday, and men they'll never want to have sex with. It's easy for men to move from Two to Three, but men in the third category rarely, if ever, move up to Two.

Women can and do flirt with and will date all three, according to what she wants, and that is not always, or even usually, to have sex. Women will date men they have no intention of having sex with because they want a free meal, or want to feel desired, or want their ego stroked, or want to know that they have power over a man. Women often use men, and sometimes use them cruelly. And men are fools to let them.

You, Sir, started out in Category Number Two. You made yourself much too available which made it easy for her to put you into Category Three with everybody else. You just weren't a challenge to her, and that's what she really wanted, and probably didn't know it herself.

Your proper course was to see other women. A woman who wants a man somewhat will want him more if she sees that other women are interested in him and that she can't have him. It worked for the other guy, now didn't it?

I don't buy this "faulty male introspection" bit for a minute, and neither should you.

Don't make the mistake of supposing No may mean something else. That just encourages her to be dishonest, and the last thing you want is a dishonest woman.

Anyone who has interacted with them should know this. Anyone who has been involved in any kind of 12-step recovery program probably has heard it, too. The trouble is, women find it hard to be "definitive" with men--don't know precisely why [I tend to do it, too]--but the effort to be direct sure pays off. Less confusion, better communication. I think it is related to the "men can't multi-task" thing.

Contrary to the article, being told by a woman that she only wants to be friends is one of the worst messages a horny guy can hear. It's worse than a direct, "Let's just stop." It's, "Let's just stop and never get physical again." Game over.

Similarly, it's getting late is ambiguous, but still the equivalent of hitting the pause button and casting doubt. It brings the mood down, and maybe other things as well.

However, men and women do have different ways of communicating, and it takes a lot of experience and attention to learn that gibberish that passes for communication among our respective genders. Hence, the eternal war...