You have advanced how men view women. What I mean is, in a culture where anything a women does is ok, and anything a man does is somehow wrong, the courage to actually point out the obvious in this dating circumstances is impressive. (by the way, be prepared for your sisters to attack you with venom).

The truth is, if a woman wants to say no, she does not need a series of signals to interpret. When a woman truly means no, she can and usually does make it clear. There is no beating around the bush (no pun intended) she simply says no, that's enough. Then she stands up and that's it.

So. Congratulations on making a statement about reality. In the world we live in, that has become a rare act.

This is just a simple failure of communication, nothing more or less, caused by the inability or unwillingness of one party to put themselves in the other party's shoes and consider how their words will be interpreted, then modify their words appropriately to get the actual meaning across.

It happens all the time in politics, in business, in friendships, even in interactions between complete strangers; it happens between men and men, between women and women, and between men and women. Why should the bedroom be any exception?

Communication with someone who thinks differently than ourselves is hard, and many of us aren't as good at it as we think we are.

At some point back in college, I decided to go with the direct approach because I was paranoid about sending mixed signals. I enjoyed the occasional hookup, but wasn't comfortable with casual sex. So before things got too hot and heavy, I'd just say outright in some form or another "we're not going to have sex tonight". Oddly enough, every guy (save one) I said that to seemed relieved to know what the limit was and so we could continue and have some fun without the stress of "does she want IT or doesn't she"? Some of my girlfriends were mortified that I was so upfront with guys instead of being coy, but it seemed better than risking any sort of 'faulty male introspection',...er...miscommunication.

Can't wait to see the anti-women rants this post sparks. Yes yes, we're all eveeeeel and ruined your life.

When you hear guys complain about "mind games" this is what they are complaining about.

Men expect simple direct orders - think Army. And when sexually aroused it becomes very difficult to pick up subtle social clues.

So you get this frustrating cycle of trying to guess what the girl wants. If you aren't assertive, she quickly loses interest. If you are assertive, you risk being accused of sexual assault.

It's frustrating, complex, and a huge mine-field.

But a direct no is a simple and uncomplicated thing. I had a girl give me a direct no after she had already reached orgasm. Disappointed - yes. But it was fine. Just move on.

Another girl dumped me because she consistently pushed me away (physically) whenever we got into heavy makeout/petting, so I would back off and resume conversation or whatever. This was a pattern on our dates. Eventually after one of these push/backoff episodes, she stood up and announced that she had no interest in me any more because I obviously wasn't willing to have sex. And then she left.

Huh?

Good for you: very fair.