I believe your friend is a jerk. If I were you, I'd drop him. You seem like a nice guy and I am sure you could find better friends.

Ignore me if I offend you. Have you ever gotten counseling that specifically addressed the rape?

the only reason I'm piping up here is because I find some of what you have to say compelling and thoughtful. and the rest of it, ie the personal attacks and accusations (agendas, secret identities, what have you), revolting. your combative approach unfortunately undermines the worthwhile insights you have occasionally provided here. I have to wonder, well, why would you want to undermine your ability to participate in a productive conversation?

and go ahead with a forensic whatever. I'm a man, and your behavior embarasses me.

"Now, for the ear steam: I think it's unfair to blame this sexual miscommunication on men."

Holy shit. While Joan Walsh goes on and on about sexism in the media, Broadsheet proves you don't have to be a dude to engage in blame the victim bullshit. I can't believe you just related how men ignore signals and STILL put responsibility for rape on alleged "mixed signals".

Y'know what? College age men can memorize tons of puzzles in video games requiring hair trigger moves. They can design new social network applications. They can grasp the slight nuances of sports, movies. They fight in wars. They are very aware of their own fragile feelings and write about them ad naseum in blogs and songs and etc. So don't tell me they can't understand something as obvious as "I need to sleep."

There is no misunderstanding, there's only entitlement and how much one thinks they can get away with.

Nice to see Salon is always willing to step on someone to please the trolls.

I commend TCF for her fair post. It comes from a position of power in her.

Personally, this was rarely an issue for me. I was too shy to move unless I was certain it was appropriate with the person I was with. I did miss out on a lot of sex, but that is water under the bridge-- the women that wanted it too from me ALSO missed out. Their loss.

I do have one point to make, and that is about this attitude this male researcher has towards men. It is quite common in the media, academia, government, business to encounter men like this clown who so hate other men and/or themselves that they attempt to destroy men somehow, in this case by implying men are 100% to blame for miscommunications.

I have particularly noticed that Northern California seems to be an epicenter of this man hating men thing. It is sad, since I have always vaguely leaned left in my politics, but I feel like there is nothing on the left that supports my gender, so it is with regret that I have leaned more and more right over the years as a result of this rejection by the left of my gender.

Ignore me if I offend you. Have you ever gotten counseling that specifically addressed the rape?

Yes, I have. The counselor thought a more savvy or experienced woman would have been able to get out. It was a dumb situation, really.

The problem is that avoiding subsequent assaults is different from being able to form long-term relationships with men. Men tend to make assumptions about me that aren't true, something else the therapist pointed out and something I have no control over. I don't wear make-up and I don't dress like a slut, but it doesn't matter. Experience tells me that it really does take 18 months for the infatuation fog to wear off, and I don't have that kind of patience. Last time, the guy decided he really liked me, but by then I was so irritated by his earlier game-playing that I dumped him anyway.

Dropping relationships allows me to focus on other things, which is a bit of a relief, to tell you the truth. I really do seem to be missing a critical emotional skill, and it makes the whole thing much more stressful than it should be.

It's statistically generalizable, and therefore as valid as the premises and data-collection methods of the study allow.

Admittedly, the methodology of this particular study may be flawed, but that in no way compromises the validity of statistical techniques generally.

Show me which statistical study the women in question are using to support their assumption of a universally agreed-upon implication of the phrase "I'm seeing someone else."

I'm making an appeal to common sense about the inherent naivete of such a presumption. Your reply almost doesn't make sense.

I'm a man, and your behavior embarasses me.

You don't seem to like anybody's posts, so I'm in good company.

You're taking this way too seriously and aren't taking my posts with the necessary grain of salt. You seem unable to recognize or value the concept of 'tongue-in-cheek' at all.

Americans, being full of themselves and wedded to their illusions, their ignorance, and their egoism, need to have their balloons punctured once in a while, and I am pleased to do the deflating. All in good fun. Misconceptions and preconceptions are quite rightly challenged, and getting people to think, rather than merely react to their personal canalized conventions, takes getting under their skin.

I am not of the 'touchy-feely' school of thought which believes everybody's opinion is as good as anybody elses and that people should never be offended or corrected or be made to feel bad.

You may not like it but my European friends are more sophisticated and think my posts here are not only insightful but hilarious. I get ten times as many kudos as flames.

Try widening your horizons a bit if you're able and then read my posts again.

I'm making an appeal to common sense about the inherent naivete of such a presumption. Your reply almost doesn't make sense.

You'll have to take that to the authors of the study. I'm not about to do their thesis defense for them.

Since I'm not privy to the contents of that study, I can only speak to the scientific method of sociological studies generally, and not to this study specifically. If you're not familiar with the scientific methods associated with sociological studies then none of it is going to make sense to you. Such studies are normally intended for other specialists in the field and not for the general public, as most people lack the training to understand them on their level.