This was actually a well-thought-out posting.

Good on you, TCF.

If you don't want to have sex, and say so, they think you mean for them to try a new arousal technique and that'll do the trick!

The old thing, "men don't listen," is not accurate. Men don't hear.

If you didn't send mixed signals you wouldn't have this problem.

You're quite right about one thing, though. Men should stay away from you. I would.

Am I hard to get? Uh.. Yeah! Is that game playing? No. It's how I really am.

Only to guys you don't really want, guys in Categories Two and Three.

To a guy you really want you'd be easy as a summer breeze.

But you don't say that.

Why didn't you?

Walter Map is absolutely right - a man with a woman who's playing games should back off. There's more than one way of being powerful, and "You know, I'm not actually that desperate," is a very high-status message for a man to send... much more powerful than "I'm so hard up that I have no self-control and I'm going to fuck you whether you like it or not." The second may be flattering to her but it doesn't cast him in a very flattering light.

To a guy you really want you'd be easy as a summer breeze.

But you don't say that.

Why didn't you?

Because it wouldn't be true. I am simply a cautious and slow-to-warm-up sort of woman. What I want in a guy is more than something that can be determined quickly. Just because I find a guy physically attractive or charming does not mean that he will provide me with other things that I want.

You see, I grew up with three brothers, married early to a man in a very masculine occupation and as a consequence met a lot of men. I listened to men while seeming to doze in the back seat of a car on the way to rodeo after rodeo. I listened to them talk about women and how they thought they could nail women and the various techniques that they used with women. I have read books like The Game and The 48 Laws of Power and have even eavesdropped on a few PUA sites.

I have had men friends all my life, both because I like men as friends and because, as a writer of fiction, I needed to understand the opposite sex. Some of my friends are also writers wanted to be friends with me for the same reason. It is difficult to write from the POV of the opposite sex.

To me, walter_map, you are all about a particular type of game. Not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)

Knowing someone for a while means that the games tend to fall away. You get to the genuine person. I really do like a guy who can talk about Thoreau -- and Jane Austen and Cormac McCarthy and William Blake and William Carlos Williams.

In my experience, most women want the relationship. These days, young women want to indulge their sexual impulses and still have the relationship. I would tell them that they need to prioritize. Sometimes they can have both but more often they need to decide which is the priority at that particular time of their lives.

You have all kinds of advice for men. Tell us what advice you would offer for women.

Dialogue from "The Tao of Steve":

Dex: Look at me. Look at me, okay? Technically, I shouldn't be getting laid, but I do. And do you know why, Dave? Because when I'm hanging out with a woman, that's all I'm doing is hanging out, talking, listening. I'm not sitting there thinking about how to get in bed with her. And this completely confuses them because they're saying "Wait a minute. I'm so much better looking than this guy. Isn't he attracted to me?" The basic principle: We pursue that which retreats from us.

Rick: It's from Heidegger.

Unnamed Guy Playing Poker: Groucho Marks said the same thing. "Act like a woman can't join your club, and she'll do almost anything to get in."

There's more than one way of being powerful, and "You know, I'm not actually that desperate," is a very high-status message for a man to send

Exactly true.

Romantically speaking, men have three virtues that women recognize in men on a primal level and on which they rate men subconciously and automatically: self-confidence, self-control, and challenge.

The first is more or less familiar and the second is usually underrated, but the third is rarely mentioned: women don't really care for men who are too easy. Women like to build relationships. It's what they do. A woman likes to work at winning a guy from all the other women. A guy who's too easy and does and says everything she wants automatically just isn't a challenge to her. He doesn't pique her interest properly. He doesn't let her dream her dreams about him. No mystery, no challenge, no romantic yearnings. These things are important to a woman.

There are deep reasons why women go for the Strong Silent Type who is complete by himself and not the needy and obsequious Wimpus americanus.

Looks and money and 'trust' and 'commitment' are only peripherally related to actual attraction. And a lot of men are unhappy because they just don't get it.

Because it wouldn't be true. I am simply a cautious and slow-to-warm-up sort of woman.

Which is contradicted by this:

married early to a man in a very masculine occupation

I bet you were easy for him even before you were married, and especially after.

I have had men friends all my life

And I bet they all wanted you, didn't they? Male/female relationships, unless they are relatives, and almost never completely platonic and usually sizzle under the surface. Ask any man.

Men are very easy for you, as they are for most women. It distorts your point of view. Any moderately attractive woman can get laid any time she likes, which is not true for most men, even attractive men. It puts men at a crucial disadvantage. When you understand that - and can sympathize with it - you will understand half of what you need to know about men. Most women who understand it exploit it.

I really do like a guy who can talk about Thoreau -- and Jane Austen and Cormac McCarthy and William Blake and William Carlos Williams.

Only if you're attracted to him. Otherwise he'd bore you to tears, guaranteed.

You would also like Robert Louis Stevenson and despise Tennyson, and prefer Mozart to Brahms. Tell me if I'm wrong.

You have all kinds of advice for men. Tell us what advice you would offer for women.

In the War Between the Sexes the men are getting slaughtered - and you want me to supply you with ordnance? Hmmm. This is hardly the proper venue. Ask me out and we can talk about it.

Blake, huh? You're still a little girl inside, aren't you?

O children of a future age, reading this indignant page,
Know that in a former time, love - sweet love! - was thought a crime!