Letters to the Editor
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@Cataract
Not knowing you and your boyfriend, i can't make this statement with full certainty, but throwing sexist names in anger doesn't fully mean that he holds those beliefs. If he had a friend whom he had an argument with, what names would he call him? Does he honestly believe those things about his friend? When men get angry and yell at each other we use all sort of names, c*cksucker, motherf*cker among others... Do we actually believe these names are embodied by our friends or acquantainces? No, they are the first things that come to mind to express our utter dissatisfaction with the situation. When I found out my then fiance was cheating on me, I had some ripe terms for her. Did I believe all of them? No, but it made it a hell of a lot easier to express myself... Words flung in anger are not the best way to judge someone's character.
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Cataract
I hope you're talking about the feelings you've been having lately to an interested listener, as well as writing them out to strangers. Not all the strangers on Salon are so nice, and I think you need some kindness right now.
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@Cataract
Please write to let us know you're okay.
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@Greeneyedkzin
I'm with you--it's hardly surprising that brightstar admits to muddying the waters. That's a breathtaking euphemism for a debating style that consists largely of fishing smelly turds of vitriol out of his rhetorical toilet bowl and then proudly presenting them to the rest of us as if they make sense and can enlighten us, rather than make us all turn away in disgust.
He's the type of online "debater" that enjoys shouting and insulting and flinging his feces and then affects astonishment when his "rational arguments" are dismissed or mocked by others. That is, he's a classic troll.
When I first encountered his posts, I seriously considered for a while whether "he" might actually be a leftist feminist, even a woman, who was merely posing as an obnoxious MRA in order to discredit critics of feminism. After further exposure to his puerile nonsense, however, I determined that my pet theory was far too sophisticated for his reality. Anyone attempting my scenario who has an IQ larger than his or her shoe size would almost certainly have been more subtle and nuanced about it. Brightstar, OTOH, hangs a bright neon sign around his neck that proclaims, "I am an obnoxious, misogynistic, gynophobic, sexually-frustrated prick who suffers from a severe case of Peter Pan Syndrome! I argue nonsense! Look at this shiny, beautiful new turd that I just produced! Isn't it lovely? I said, ISN'T IT LOVELY?!?! How DARE you recoil from me! You hate men! Blah Blah Blah"
He's utterly tiresome and annoying, although I'm embarrassed to admit that tangling with him is a bit fun ;-)
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not really.
I don't talk to anyone I know about my feelings...I find it easier to babble on and on to complete strangers. I sheild my reality from loved ones because it lets them rest easy at night.
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Second Message
Let us know even if you're NOT okay, and I can't imagine you feel anything but awful right now.
Keep talking. Everyone's experience with breakup is individually awful. Last one I broke up with (actually, it was the other way around), I put into a really gruesome horror story, killed him messy undead, and bought a diamond tennis bracelet with the proceeds.
Sometimes the truth comes out in anger, sometimes people simply lose it, and sometimes they just say stupid things. Your ex's big mouth isn't your problem. The loss and the consequences are. Your life is not stupid and insignificant.
You might want to call and ask someone to come over.
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Cataract
Well, I wasn't necessarily talking about family and friends. They do have an annoying tendency to worry about the ones they love so that said loved ones don't always want to worry them. You can pay people to listen. And I disagree with the many who think that that fact produces a less authentic connection. In any case, it is pretty normal to feel the way you feel right after a break-up. It is even pretty normal to want to be dead. But I don't know whether there's any intent behind your words. And there's also nothing I, nor any well-meaning stranger on the Internet, can do about it. Be cautious about indulging in feelings like these...they can take on a life of their own.
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Ms. Osell?"...that's so Wrong , in so many predictably muddle-headed ways.....
Hey there,
To begin with, Ms. Osell?....neither of the articles to which you referred declared or even suggested that "feminism" was "dead".
They suggested that Womens' Studies programs/departments/majors might be or become a thing of the past.
I'd like to think that, even at the University of Sussex, students learn that you don't haveto MAJOR in Womens' Studies to be a feminist, any more than you have to Major in French to speak the language.
That said?...in your own first paragraph (in which you prepare your ground for demonstrating how "journalists" will do anything to create a headline?.....well, you do the very same thing, yourself.
That said, I sincerely hope that, contrary to your wishes, the journalists of the world do not begin calling you to delineate what-is-feminism and who-exactly-is-an-"ACTUAL"-feminist.
you've got to admit...in your "I get to name what the game is, and I get to decide who gets to play" attitude.....who sounds a bit "patriarchal" (to say the least)?
In your "article" ("Journal entry" would be more appropriate), you indicate that you don't recognize (or, probably more accurately, don't care to recognize) any difference between "Feminist", students/teachers of "feminist theory" in the academy, etc.....
Hence, we're obliged to read silly-shit such as your suggestion that, if someone who majors in "Women's Studies" fails to land an academic appointment, that's the result of.....The Big&Mean Patriarchy.
Funny (of the ha-ha sort)& True Story: I have a younger friend who interviewed for an academic position, who quickly realized that he (Mister "Queer Theory") was up against two candidates who had specialized in Women's Studies and Native American Studies. He, in contrast to many other people, at least had the sense to laughingly realize "Oh...no matter what they decide....they're going to be racist or homophobic or misogynistic....."
Well...enough of this....if your article had come to me back when I was still grading papers (full disclosure: my graduate degrees in Literature are from Middlebury, Oxford, and Duke, so I'm scarcely unacquainted with feminism and its academic manifestations), I would have asked you to to take it back home and re-write the irritatingly smug thing....only this time do please try not to be so self-servingly slippery in your use of various terms and words which are different words and phrases because (surprise of surprises) they designate different things.
In any case, I expect you'll do well at "Broadsheet". You've certainly got the right attitude.....
Oh well....
David Terry
www.davidterryart.com