Letters to the Editor
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@ Lestat1
My first reaction to the spine comment was tad aggressive, but you are right. Hence, I am single, and will probably remain so for some time. I have learned the hard way that some things can be compromised and some things can't. I learned what I really want in a woman in my last relationship, I refuse to settle for anything less. I demand personal accountability, intelligence, a real sense of humor (one that can take it and dish it out), and acceptance of my quirks. I don't want to be changed. I don't mind compromise at all, as long as it cuts both ways. I am speaking in generalities, so one person's personal experience counts for slightly more than squat.
Boundaries do need to be set early. The problem is that most of us don't try to set them until it is too late. If we try to early we are seen as standoffish, or just difficult. Rather than set the ground rules we put them off until power has already been ceded to the female. As anyone one knows, once power, people are loathe to give it up. It gives me hope to know that there are women like you out there, but please don't pretend that you are the norm. Women like you are rare gems.
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But some don't know another way yet to set proper relationship boundaries.
There is no way they CAN EVER set them because men have no innate leverage; if they make any trouble for the women (in the absence of the man having REAL power which men no longer have) she will cease to be attracted to him sexually and there will not be a relationship (even if they are living in the same house and sharing child care).
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@ JugSouthgate
I read shelter magazines and books about HD. In shared dwellings, men are much more likely to have a room all of their own that is off limits to others. Please don't say the kitchen is the woman's sphere, unless you never go there to get a beer.
The most horrifying trend I ever read about was men decorating their rooms in their favorite team colors. You can even get wallpaper. I simply would not live with any man who wanted to do such a tasteless thing. It would be enough to drive a woman to beige.
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go find 'em, put them on a shelf or mantle somewhere and if she pouts about it, remind her who half the house belongs to and there are always younger hotter women out there.
are you serious? Most women can CREDIBLY issue the threat you describe (because they are willing to go without if they have to), most men CANNOT (because they aren't). Does the whole issue really hang on this refusal to see or admit the obvious?
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his needs, her needs
Deep down, nobody -- men nor women -- actually wants to spend superfluous time and money grooming themselves. Everybody desires a partner who will pretty much do whatever we want all the time. Nobody likes taking what we perceive as orders. Everybody wants to be petted and flattered and told we're awesome. Nobody wants to do tasks we feel are boring, pointless, beneath us, or somebody else's idea. Everybody is nostalgic for "the good old days" when the roles were clear, inferior people knew their place, and "ordinary folks" were permitted to do what pleased and fulfilled them at all times per a set of clear-cut, comforting roles, not like mean ol' scary politically correct nowadays.
Yearning for a custom reality, reality tailored to make us feel better about ourselves, is the zeitgeist. I'm actually surprised the numbers in the article weren't more skewed towards narcissistic childish gimme-gimme whining, the soundtrack of our lives at the turn of the millennium.
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Straight men are pansies
That's the lesson from this survey, which isn't a surprise. As Camille Paglia (rightly) observed 15 years ago, straight guys go from domination by their mothers to domination by their girlfriends and then finally their wives. And the only resistance they put up is having a quickie affair with a co-worker or something equally pathetic.
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A couple of words with built-in bad puns:
Menopause. Menstruation. I'm waiting for Broadsheet to dig up studies on the male versions of those.
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this is women's news?
Is Broadsheet changing its focus from a discussion of women's issues, the the more fertile and generalized ground of gender politics? Certainly this has been the norm in the discussion groups, but usually the starting point is an article about a woman's issue.
Not that I'm complaining - perhaps the "broad" can stand for broad-minded?
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@AKA Smith
I sincerely hope that you were being sarcastic about the whole team colors thing... Otherwise this is exactly what we are talking about... i can't even decorate my cave the way I want?!
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Does Society Decide Who Needs Waxing/Coifing?
Hello,
The idea that we have control over our own lives seems to be going extinct ... I am inclined to believe that each individual has a choice with regards to whether they are waxed/coifed or not. I do concur that the pressure society adds is probably waxing rather than waning right now, but it will always be there and as a species, we should aspire towards evolving in the direction of exercising our own judgment on such things.
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So where's Slim Shady? I thought this was his target demo message
Slim Shady was supposed to represent the rebirth of angry masculinity back in the day. But he ran out of angry things to say when his ex-wife went to rehab and his mother got breast cancer.
He retired to his mansion to drive the kids to school and then stay home and eat bon bons all day.
I mean seriously, he got fat and grew manboobs. Supposedly he's working it off with a trainer now.
The point is -- we've seen this before. These studies seem to come back in style just like shoulder pads and paisley prints.
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Companies just want to sell more crap to men
Women aren't forcing men to be all coiffed and waxed. It's companies that want to sell more shit to people that are doing this. They realized that not only could they get women all uptight about appearances, but the same trick would work on men as well. And viola, now these companies double their marketing base. Not only can they sell creams and lotions to women, but now men too. But still, men are blaming women for this? Oh Pu-leez, I mean if you don't want to be "coiffed and waxed" don't buy these products and don't coif and wax yourself, and who cares what others think anyway. Boy, these survey participants must be suffering from a major case of male privilege: "Whine, whine, whine and while we're whining, lets blame women for all our problems too."
But wait a minute, what about "female privilege":
http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2008/02/09/faq-female-privilege/