For years now I've been telling women that I have the most beautiful penis in New York, but for some reason, none of them wanted to pay $4000 to see it.

My man bits are worth a couple of extra diamonds at least.

named Magic Dick in the J. Geils Band?

As for magic dicks and pussies, I would have thought the feel and psychological effects would be what makes a pussy magical, not necessarily how it looks. But having less experience than many men in this regard, I welcome some explanation of how a magical looking pussy is magicla feeling too.

except the part where they fall from the sky.

... but just like the part where they melt on the tongue?

The "magic" that this woman possesses is probably that she embodies some kind of exact mean average of what men have seen in thousands (millions?) of porn images viewed over the course of their lives.

That, plus symetry, is probably what is going on down there.

Generally, I don't like trafficking in feel-good cliches as I much prefer the feel-bad variety. Still, I think our culture has gone far enough in the direction of fetishizing mere physical "perfection" that it can fairly be said that we need to reemphasize the importance of how you act vs. how you look as the magical part of being. In other words, "Its not what you have, its what you do with it!"

Pseudo-scientific measuring and quantifying of beauty is such a distancing and deadening exercise. For most of us it is pretty disapointing as well.

Because we have so much more control over how we act than how we look, reemphasizing the behavioral aspect of sexiness really would be a chance to sieze control over an area where so many people now feel powerless and disadvantaged.

Or we could all just stare enviously or greeedily at this woman's vagina.

This sounds like what you say when your frieds say "you paid how much for that!!??"

Kleenex is nice and tight and pure and soft.

But not after someone else blows his nose in it.

That's why a middlingly successful felon like Itzler - who's supposedly lost two fortunes, but really just wants to produce a reality show - can label himself "King of All Pimps" and have interviewers lap it up.

The best trick a call girl's magic vagina can do is disappear.

I have witnessed vaginas make a bishop disappear.

"Or we could all just stare enviously or greeedily at this woman's vagina."

I know, right? The cunt is, on the one hand, a filthy sewer (see John A. Bailo's comment about kleenex), and on the other, a magical mysterious place where mens' fantasies are satiated. It could do with a little demystification. It is what it is. As a woman, I'd be happy to see it elevated to the utilitarian respect that hands and feet have; it's a good place to have babies and sex.

P.S. -- John A. Bailo, I'm sure your dick is no fantastic instrument of god's love, so stop your hatin.

Are we supposed to take this seriously?

This whole affair makes no sense from start to finish.

But then so did California voters in 2003.

What was his name? David? Davis? I can't remember.

I'm a liberal and I really miss liberalism.

Thanks to "Democrats" like Davis, the California prison budget is growing like a cancer. We're having to lay off teachers and raise Med-Cal share of cost for the poor so we can afford to fulfill all of those heavy incarceration commitments that the tough on crime Democrats like Davis helped us incur.

Maybe liberalism will come back some day.

Either that or we can just build the schools inside the jails and let the kids be taught by the guards.

Sarah Hepola wrote:

"...it's important to remember that all vaginas are magic."

Well, yeah. I mean, that was my immediate thought, too, even before I read the piece.

Can shoot ping pong balls out of hers, across the room. You Americans are just lazy.

SayingBadThings, I am falling out of my chair.

Some people have beautiful eyes, or hands, or breasts... why not a beautiful vagina?

I remember this girl. We only had sex a couple of times. She had the most beautiful labia in the known universe. Beautiful like a rose, a butterfly, a bird of paradise.

Difference is, she wasn't for sale. Good thing, too. She was fragile enough as it was.

of Jack and the Beanstalk.

Humpf. A gentleman does not discuss his dalliances with the ladies. A gentleman is respectful and discrete.

But since you insist, yes, they're all magic. Some are better than others, of course. Still others could use some reconstructive surgery, which shouldn't be derided as merely 'designer' genital enhancement.

Now about Spitzer. The source of Spitzer's problem could be considered economic, rather than merely sexual.

As you may have heard, the Bush Administration said each and every one of us would get a nice tax rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gas, it will all go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Central America.
If we purchase a good car it will all go to Japan.
If we purchase useless crap it will all go to Taiwan.

None of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes and beer, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

And that's what the Governor of New York was doing. Some people just have no appreciation for the sacrifices he's made.

How about a series of multicolored handkerchiefs?

I suppose it beats hawking-war mongering presidential candidates.

Did any of you graduate from High School?

Yes, I think it can sing...

I'll have you know my left ear is magic. One look at it and Sam the One Man Marching Band Man downtown swooned and busked for me for two straight hours! I went to the Philharmonic, and the orchestra stood and gave me a standing O!

Plastic surgeons gasp when they see it and haul out sketch pads and scribble furiously. I have been offered thousands of dollars by jewelry modeling agencies and telecommunications advertising companies, and there is talk of Hollywood offering me a body-double role in Cloony's next pic!

I am riding to success, fame and fortune on my Magic Left Ear!