Letters to the Editor
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more than one flavor of feminist
I did not totally disagree with Yoffe. Yes, the "shaming" comment is over the top. But, I must say that I am disheartened by the large number of unplanned pregnancies and have two basic concerns.
Concern #1: Parenting is hard/exhausting work.My husband and I have an active, healthy 5-year old and we often comment that we don't know how single parents do it. Being able to tag-team makes life so much easier. Honestly, life would be better if we hadn't moved from communal living (or at least living multigenerationally) to the nuclear family/single family home.
In terms of parenting, I think it is a numbers game. More is usually better (with the obvious caveats that no one is abusing/molesting children). My concern with single parenthood is not based on moral judgement or condemnation of sexual activity, but that it is not terribly practical.
#2 Re point #1-only true when the cast of characters is stable. In my observation, one of the big problems with single parenthood is that most people don't really want to be single parents or at least give up sex. Single people date. Typically, you date a lot of people before you find someone with whom you want a relationship. If you are childless, this is probably a good thing. When you have a kid, it becomes a) much more difficult to find the time/energy b) creates opportunity for heartbreak for heartbreak for the child. Small children attach easily and it is confusing for them when the boyfriend/girlfriend with whom they have formed a relationship is not around anymore. c) Sometimes BF/GF are not suitable parent figures. It seems like I see a CNN headline once a week that describes some horrible form of child abuse committed by a BF or GF.
Again, this isn't an issue of moralizing (although, damn-use birthcontrol EVERYONE), it is an issue of practicality and what is best for kids.