Letters to the Editor
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How to Win Friends and Influence People
Whether in business or romance the best way to get people on your side is to ask for their help or advice. Lots of smart men and women do this in the business world-- you network by asking for people's help and that makes them feel good and then they like you and then they are in your corner.
Everyone wants to feel valued and needed. Letting your romantic partner help or advise you is always good thing. But the problem is that it is usually only women who are advised that they have to pull the helpless act to make men feel needed.
I love love love it when my husband wants me to edit his writing because it shows he trusts me and that he values my skills and strengths. And he loves it when I have a problem at work and need his advice.
(Also you have to be considerate of the other person's time and show appreciation for the help you are getting. Otherwise it starts to seem more like you are making demands or giving orders.)
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close, but no
It's amazing that Novak thinks she knows what manliness is. Displays of strength can be an expression of manliness, but don't necessarily lead to feeling manly.
What we like is spoiling our honey and being appreciated for it. It really is that simple. It isn't opening the jar, it's what comes after. The smile, pat on the arm, or peck on the cheek is where the action is.
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the pickle jar ritual
Was that a joke? Do you seriously mean that allowing a man to open a pickle jar is a "deception"? In my experience, the stereotype about men being better able to open jars is usually true. No? Dropping the invidious comparisons for a moment, a consistent stance that a woman has not the slightest use for a man is likely to lead to terminal boredom...disigny
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Opening jars is one of man's most important functions
I always ask my husband to open jars for me and he is always pleased to oblige. (Except when he can't open the jar, either, and we have to break out the jar wrench.)
I'm not sure if this is a recipe for a happy marriage, but it should at least get a mention.
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Of Course Women Need Men!
Who else would kill the bugs?!
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???
We don't need to open your pickle jars. Until there's joint custody, abolishment of alimony and an end to discrimination against men in family court, nothing you can do will drag us to the altar.
Enjoy the fruits of feminism.
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somehow men threatening to withhold sex from women doesn't strike me as a promising
strategy.
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Pickle jar opening for men and women!
Hasn't anyone else ever heard of whacking the edge of the lid with a knife handle to break the seal?
Learned that one from my mom.
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Male Pickle Jar Equivalents?
In a successful relationship, obviously men should have to supply a "pickle jar" too.
Howabout this: even though we can actually dress ourselves and did it for years before meeting you, once in a while, standing in front of the washing machine and waving our hands helplessly as to what should go with what and at what temperature, should seriously improve Saturday night sex and make you love us all the more, right? Or at least asking which tie goes better with this suit? will keep you feeling valued?
Truth is, you young'uns out there, yes, this sort of stratagem helps in the early stages, be it pickle jars or colour coordination. But take it from a long-married person, while ego-building your spouse actually is important in the first few years, it is no foundation at all in the long run. After a decade or so, no matter what, the only lies you will be able to tell your spouse will be those that s/he knows are lies but has made it clear that they want to hear.
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Oh, please, Carol
People want to feel needed.
Letting a guy open a pickle jar or letting a gal pick out a tie to wear are little ways a letting her/him know that you need them, that you appreciate their help.
Even if that's not the literal way in which you need them, it remains a concrete way to send the message.
Are there others ways to send this message? Sure. But what's wrong with doing it the old fashioned way? And this is especially true when someone is very competent and self-sufficient. Do men REALLY need that much helping picking out which tie to wear? Is she REALLY going to make a difference? Of course not! She's only picking from the lousy ties he's been buying. And he doesn't really care, anyway. Except to open himself up to her.
So, let him open the pickle jar, or reach the top shelf, or kill the bug, or whatever it is that will communicate a very important idea. Unless you are already clearly sending the message, in which case this is not necessary.
Obviously, both parties need to let the other know that s/he is needed. If either fails to do that, any relationship can be in danger.
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Here's an idea
Say, what about having activities you both enjoy doing together? That sounds like a great idea to me.
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I have my husband open the jar sometimes
Those things do get stuck, and he is a foot taller than me and has more patience. He also does the wash and scrubs the floors.
As for me, I'm good for listening to stories, and I cook a mean breakfast. And I'm always sweeping, because the big dope smokes and eats cookies without a plate.
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@Parson Jim
"nothing you can do will drag us to the altar."
Really? Than I'll inform the NYT to cancel their Weddings and Celebrations section and tell all wedding halls in the U.S. to cancel all their weddings because NOTHING will drag men to the altar.
I suspect you mean nothing will drag YOUR clearly bitter self to the altar. Which is certainly your choice. But don't make general statements about the male species just to give yourself company and make yourself feel better. (but maybe you can get together with brightstar and acw. They sound like good company for you. You can plot your revenge against evil feminists together).
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I use a spoon.
My man is not a jar-opening tool. I slip a spoon between the lid and the glass and use it as a lever to break the vacuum. Aren't I a clever girl? While I am breaking the seal, we discuss politics, religion, philosophy, cooking and/or who is willing to shovel, wash the dishes, back up the hard drives or fold the laundry.
There are plenty of things I need and want and love my husband for, and he knows it. That is important to humans - to feel they are needed, wanted and loved. But the jar thing is a pickled red herring. And one that just feeds the anti-feminist "girl power" idea that we are stronger, bester, faster and more clever than boys but we need to treat them like children so that none of that hurts their feelings. Women feeling superior to their husbands is NOT FEMINISM.
Genuine equality - feminism - as we read here on Broadsheet a couple months ago, makes for a happier marriage. This pickle thing is the 50s in a jar. And all the other decades before that.