Letters to the Editor
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bdum bump
what the deal is with relationships in which the woman is dominant, the man passive -- and the man needs to be told what to do otherwise he doesn't do anything yet he resents that the woman is telling him what to do
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You just described probably 99% of all relationships, congrats. I pretty sure thats next to the word marriage in Websters'
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This has been said elsewhere, but where is brightstar and what have you done with him?!
they killed Kenny
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Clueless!
I cannot believe how clueless most of the woman posting here are.
There is a world of difference between asking the man at the next desk to change the printer ink for you, and asking your domestic partner to open a pickle jar.
Difference? You are in a sexual relationship with one, a working relationship with the other. The roles are quite different.
OF FREAKING COURSE domestic partners do things to flatter each other and make each other feel good all the time. This is called good manners. Good manners is noticing the other person and what qualities they have and making them feel good about being able to do things that they are good at.
It works both ways for both sexes, because everyone wants to feel needed or appreciated. The pickle jar image is just a metaphor for this.
The husband may say to his wife "I just love the way you fix the breakfast at weekends. It looks scrummy" and she replies "Shut up dickhead and open the strawberry jam for me". It's called being in love.
[OK, I know the Broadsheeters just make ridiculous statements so as to get the conversational electric hare running... I guess I fell for it again. Well, it is March.]
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LOL, Adam Smith...g!
>I once dated a woman like this...
She expressed no opinions about movies, restaurants, etc., expecting me to be the MAN and make all the decisions myself. Of course, if I got the decision wrong, she'd sulk for the rest of the night.<
I've always wondered what happens when men who deal with women like this get sick of having to do all the heavy decision-lifting. :) Honestly, even the strongest man can't or doesn't want to do everything--and how realistic is it to expect him to be doing so 24/7?
>Maybe this stuff really works if you don't want anything more than a cave man. Just don't be surprised when he clubs a mammoth and expects you to cook it. If that's what it takes to make you feel feminine, be my guest.<
Yeah, if only those cave men and dumb women would hook up right off the bat and save the rest of us time and grief in dealing with them...;)
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this accurately describes the situation acw provided the term "do anything" is properly defined:
"do EVERYTHING she wants EXACTLY when she wants EXACTLY the way she wants and don't EVER complain or even think of questioning anything". Now that women have their own money and either don't care about sex and/or can get it anywhere (and child support orders are enforced) they can get away with it.
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Pickle jar -- this idea is not new
I read this exact same thing by some columnist back in around 2001. It was a widely syndicated piece. Maybe if you do some Google or Nexus searching you can track it down.
I specifically remember it because the woman I was seeing at the time started asking me to open jars for her.
It didn't make me feel good, it just reminded me how much I needed to work out.
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BLECH!!
I mean, if the car gets a flat, I know I'm probably going to be changing it. After all, I have upper body strength and she can make babies. But a women **pretending** that she needs me to open the pickle jar?
When my wife wants me to stop what I'm doing to hook up some electronic thing she wants to use (and with her doctorate, could figure out herself), I don't feel flattered, I feel like she thinks her immediate want is more important than what I was doing.
And to think, some women might be doing this just to make us feel better? Like we're pack mules that are only happy when we can serve our masters?
How insulting to everyone!
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Is it men need to feel needed, or we have to admit that we need them?
If we don't need each other at all, then why mate? Why marry, why cohabitate, why hold hands in the movies?
I have spent most of my relationship life proving that I *don't* need a man, for the pickle jar or to carry my luggage or to do any damn thing for me. But now that I have a son (and daughter) and a divorce under my belt, I am slowly learning that I, in fact, do need and want men around me--and that I have to learn to make space for them to "be" men, if that makes sense, as much as I have to learn to relax into being a woman.
My 6-year-old son feels really great about carrying heavy stuff for me, as well as cooking dinner and making pancakes. He loves that he can get the centipede and cane spider out of the house, and that I prefer not to, although I certainly can. So I let him do that. I notice that thee acts somehow help him assert this very primal part of himself--his boyhood. And when you have a son farting on your leg (his great pleasure) and trying to pee on his sister, there is no doubt that we have some stuff that defines are maleness and femaleness in varying degrees.
We are all vulnerable dating and coming into relationships, and it is a nice thing to feel needed and create space for each of us to be feel like a man and a woman, or a woman and a woman, or a man and a man, or a transgender and whatever!
I think Broadsheet was a little reactionary. Certainly I'm not interested in having someone pick movies for me, but I *am* interested in knowing what it might feel like to value a man for his maleness in the same way that I want a man to value me as a powerful woman.
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Some Shocking News
#1 Sweet gefilte fish is my most favorite thing in the universe. I also have a tendency to get the midnight munchies. Because it was too late at night to wake anyone up, I once went to a police station to have opened a hopelessly superglued gefilte fish jar (haha, the station was next door, and they thought it was funny). A female cop did it.
#2 Another time, I did the traditional girly-thing and stood helplessly by my car in the shopping mall parking lot, looking for a "white knight" (no racism intended) to change my tire. When one came around, she turned out to be a "white lady." I had someone show me how to do it after that, because that was just silly.
#3 My fabulous dear wonderful loved-beyond-reason partner (a guy) doesn't need to do this stupid stuff in order to feel valued by me! He'd hate it if I went all condescending and started manipulating him like that--that's what'd get on his self-esteem, not the reverse! Plus I'd resent the hell out of it myself if he suddenly grew one of these ridiculous "male egos" and started needing cosseting. Good thing I've got a relationship that obviously doesn't fit into Patti Novak's little world, eh?
#4 Yeah, well, I'm guessing (and I know) that a lot of other people do too. Good grief, some people need to figure out which century they're living in, or else get out the smelling salts and learn how to have (or require their partners to have) the vapors and faint prettily. Pickle jar! I can perfectly well open it but I get him to do it 'cause it will make him feel like big macho man??? LOL!!!!! ROFLMAO.