Letters to the Editor
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Another horrible tragedy!
A "dating advisor" said something superficial! Damn, I was expecting Patti Novak to be the epitome of informed wisdom. Now, to the barricades! Blog about it! Post about it! Whine about it! Feel vindicated and better about yourself for doing so!
Would it kill you to just let some of this pathetic minutiae *go* once in a while? Do you have to have an immediate and strong reaction to every vapid idiot who blathers stupidly on daytime TV?
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Doesn't sound anti-feminist to me
I don't think Novak is saying we should take off our shoes and stay in the kitchen, but she is saying we shouldn't try to one-up the man and prove we don't need him. Even sensitive feminist guys want to be an equal partner, not a doormat. Hell, I don't want a man who keeps trying to tell me how fine he is without me in his life. I want someone who wants a partner and who appreciates what someone else brings to the table.
I think some of us single women (and I include myself in this) are still trying to navigate how to be strong independent feminists yet have partnerships with men. We're trying so hard to do things on our own we take it as an insult or a sign of failure if someone wants to help us. I even see this happen in how my girlfriends relate to one another. One of my good friends recently had some medical problems, and despite the offers of many friends to help take her to dr's appointments and help her wade through insurance forms, she was bound and determined to do it all on her own because she's an independent woman. I know I've done the same thing when I should've asked for help. If we do this to our own friends and family, of course we're going to do it to the men in our life. But if we're looking to build a partnership with someone, we need to learn to ask for help sometimes. And sometimes that might mean asking for help when we really don't need it, just so someone feels wanted. I don't think that's so horrible.
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hypocrasy
Men have an innate desire to be needed and to provide. Sorry but it is true. Other cultures take this knowledge for granted. Guess what, women crave a dominant man as well. Advice collumns for women often recommend letting your guy take you on a date where he makes all the decisions when women write in complaining of not feeling passionate about their man. Usually these columns are written for women, so they pull their politically incorrect punches in the use of their language, but the underlying gist is clear.
Thats the hypocritical aspect of the feminist mixed message. We want everything! Oh but be strong enough to take care of me, be strong and tall and make me feel secure! or you just are not sexually worthy. Men simply cant win.
I don't suppose women like to feel nurturing now and then? Thats how men feel when they open a damn pickle jar.
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ugh
double ugh
There are 100 ways for a woman to improve her relationship with a man.
This is not really one of them. It is shallow and cute, cheap and artificial, like eating Pringles.
Treat a man like a human being, not like a man, treat him like you want to be treated. Too tricky I suppose...
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so the question remains open do women really need men for anything
or do they just have to fake it. You raise a good question though, why should they want to. Men don't need women for anything other than sex and relationships, women don't actually DO anything for men, they are a huge cost in fact. Men don't care though. Women are worth it. No one can honestly claim that it is clear that the overwhelming majority of women feel the same about men.
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What man wants to be condescended to in this way?
Who wants to feel fake-needed, knowing it's all an act to shore up his fragile masculinity?
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whoa
There are 100 ways for a woman to improve her relationship with a man.
This is not really one of them. It is shallow and cute, cheap and artificial, like eating Pringles.
Treat a man like a human being, not like a man, treat him like you want to be treated. Too tricky I suppose...
This has been said elsewhere, but where is brightstar and what have you done with him?!
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I've always wondered...
what the deal is with relationships in which the woman is dominant, the man passive -- and the man needs to be told what to do otherwise he doesn't do anything yet he resents that the woman is telling him what to do. I'd guess that such a relationship wouldn't survive, but somehow, many do. What's the secret? Sex?
And I think that men needing to feel needed in order to feel masculine is nothing new; it's just receiving extra publicity these days because women, traditionally raised as the more nurturing gender (which is still the case, culturally and biologically) have figured out how to nurture themselves. Abracadabra! The man is now irrelevant aside from whatever pickle he can deliver! Every woman I've ever known absolutely has to feel needed in some sense by her significant other, family members, co-workers, or people on the street. (I think it's great--it shows compassion if not a latent lust for power.) It's just that her need to feel needed is taken for granted, because that's how she's supposed to be.
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oh jeez.
I don't know about the rest of you, but opening a jar of pickles doesn't make me feel any more masculine or needed.
I think that for any relationship to be successful, both individuals have to genuinely make the other one feel needed and valued and important. But that has nothing to do with pickles, or mowing the lawn, or washing the dishes. My girlfriend needs me when she feels like crap, she needs me to be in the audience when she performs, she needs me to tell her she's beautiful and amazing (because it's true, after all). And I need her to be there for me too, when I feel like there is just too much to do and face and accomplish and I can't figure out how I'm going to make sense of any of it. And if there are pickles involved, between the two of us we will figure out how to open the jar. It's not that difficult.