Letters to the Editor
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Some points...
1) If you use a bottle opener, opening a pickle jar is easy. For anyone...:)
2) If Novak is such an expert on single women, why isn't Oprah using her services instead of unleashing her on us? I'm sure PN would have a _lot_ to say about O's "emasculating" activities and all...:)
3) Playing helpless invariably attracts the kind of insecure, fucked-up guys who want doll-wives, not real women. And these kinds of guys are good for hating dependent women as much as they claim to want them. Why would such a guy be worth getting at all?
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There's a fine line between independent and domineering
I know. I wanted independent; I got domineering. We got divorced.
I did eventually get independent. So now I negotiate a lot. But she will open her own pickles, even if I'm in the room, unless she can't. Then the bigger and stronger part gets called in.
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Men like to feel needed
Who would've thunk it?
And incidentally, I do the exact same thing with my parents. If they want to impart some advice on me, I let them. Usually it's something I already know, but if it makes them feel more parent-ly, I am more than happy to swallow my pride.
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pathetic maybe...but true
I don’t know if the author is single or married so I’m not sure what her personal experiences are. But as a single girl in her late 20's with 2 degrees from top universities, I have to say, I believe Novak is revealing something that I’ve found to be true. I can't say that I'm in favor of her advice on an intellectual level. I consider myself a feminist. And for a guy to date me he has to be an open-minded, secure, liberal as well. But that doesn't mean his inner cave man doesn't appreciate feeling needed once in a while. The way I see it, in my quest to "have it all" there has to be some compromises. And if letting a guy open a pickle jar for me, pump my gas or carry my luggage is part of that compromise, well, that's something I can live with. Hate to admit it, but I’ve found that letting a man feel like he is needed does tend to improve my dating life. And, I get to relax a bit more in the process.
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In Novak's defense....
I think the point she was trying to make--although she said it rather poorly--is that independant women (such as myself) can ask for help from her man every now and again.
I read that same snippet on CNN.com and what I got from Novak's assertion is that many women scare away men because they act like they don't need help with anything. They've got it covered, thank you very much.
Most men (at least the ones that I've dated) like to feel needed and appreciated by their women. I think so many of us are used to doing everything ourselves, we forget to ask for help. I have been accused of that.
I don't think that Novak was saying we need to relinquish our entire lives (and decison-making) to men. That's a bit extreme.
I've noticed that Broadsheet does knee-jerk reactions sometimes.
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Who does this insult more?
This is so insulting to both men and women. I'm so glad I'm not in a relationship with a man so fragile that opening the pickle jar makes him feel important. I'm guessing he's relieved that he's not with a woman who is playing games with his emotions to manipulate him.
I'm an independent woman but I still need my husband. I need his love, his support, his companionship and his advice. Not everyday-all-the-time, but still. That's what happens when you've been in a relationship a long time, you come to rely on each other for things. People in a healthy relationship need each other for real things, not as game to prop up one another up.
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My poor spouse
He broke both his wrist a few years ago when he was hit by a van while on his bike. While it left him with cool scars, he is, alas, unable to open pickle or other jars. Somehow his masculinity has survived.
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Hmpf
I think it can be useful to be in a relationship where one partner complements the other. My husband is stronger, but I'm more dextrous so I do the fiddly things and he carries the heavy stuff. He's the computer geek, but I can do searches better and faster for net info than he can. I like to bake, but he does a better pie crust so I do the bread and he does the dessert.
I cannot fathom though, why someone, anyone, would want to be in a relationship where they were always the strong partner and the other was weak. It'd be annoying to always be the competent one. And if you were only pretending to be incompetent, well, then how frustrating for you to never be able to get even better at something for fear of driving off your partner.
I think that in a relationship each partner needs the other to say "I need you" for different strengths, and to be appreciated as a useful person. But all this true appreciation is hollow if it's not for something real.
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I once dated a woman like this...
She expressed no opinions about movies, restaurants, etc., expecting me to be the MAN and make all the decisions myself. Of course, if I got the decision wrong, she'd sulk for the rest of the night. It was some of the most passive-aggressive behavior I've ever seen. If any woman tries this bullshit with me again, she's going to get booted out the door, fast. It's supposed to be a *partnership*.
But who I am to say? Maybe this stuff really works if you don't want anything more than a cave man. Just don't be surprised when he clubs a mammoth and expects you to cook it. If that's what it takes to make you feel feminine, be my guest. :)
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Thanks!
For acknowledging that feminism benefits both men and women and, conversely, anti-feminism insults both!
Personally, as a committed house-husband, I get a little threatened if my wife tries to do the dishes or make breakfast. She's very understanding about it though, and reassures me that it doesn't threaten my masculinity for her to do housework sometimes....
That said, it is good to find the occasional use for all this extra mucle-bulk. Bring on the pickle jar! I'm the only one who eats them, anyway.