Letters to the Editor
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Well Duhhhhh
Staying at home is often fairly mindless and completely under valued in our society. The retort is often "Oh, you just stay home." Like this takes no effort. Women that do, and can afford to, stay home are often educated and feel isolated from their previous peers and social groups. Hence the low sense of satisfaction. I mean how much stimulation do get from staying home and changing diapers and breastfeeding? And then there's the economic sacrifice that goes along with the drop income. Any play dates and moms groups are a small break from an otherwise tough job. In many western countries at least the is recognition of the efforts of the stay at home parent. Perhaps if we made it the norm that a parent could stay home for a year without suffering economic and career hardship would people feel better about do so?
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satisfaction by virtue of choice
I suspect that women who are *forced* to either work or to stay home full time are less satisfied than moms who consciously *chose* to do either.
There are *plenty* of moms who are *thrilled* to be full-time at-home moms. But I know, if I weren't working part-time (thankfully in a field I love, and have studied and trained for my entire academic career) I'd lose my mind. And I love my kids truly, madly, deeply.
There is no equation for bliss, particularly for mothering and working. But the study shows that empowered women are happier women. I suspect happier women are better moms. And I bet even the most devoted at-home moms still do a victory dance when the school bus drives away.
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Misleading
I want to put this politely because I do believe we shouldn't just reflexively assume that all women wan t to be at home with their kids, but I believe you may have written something very misleading here. A conclusive study of this nature cannot really exist, because we'll never be able to control for everything. The study may say something, but I don't think it's meant to reveal what you seem to think it has, which is that not working causes malaise. This is a correlation, not necessarily a causation.
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Taking care of business
I was a stay at home Dad for two years during one of the Reagan recessions. Couldn't get a job. Took care of the toddler from .5 years to 2.5 years.
That was undoubtedly the most unpleasant thing I've done in awhile. Not that it didn't need to be done. Not that my daugther isn't great. It was just plain demoralizing. Not much free time really. Isolation. Other mothers thought I was nuts, and avoided me at the sandbox.
Now, I'm a man and not socialized to think that cleaning up shit and having little to talk about with a child is the apex of my life. (Have you noticed how hyper-actively vocal so many new mothers are with children? Yap, yap, yap, desparate for a real conversation, are you?)
But I don't think it's just being a man. It is a difficult and not entirely satisfying job for most people. That is why individual families should not be on their own when it comes to it.
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So are the children happier?
Or does that enter into the equation at all?
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Childish
What is with the "Take that!" Neener neener attitude? I loved staying home with my son when he was little. I would have hated working. We're all different, and we all have different things that make us happy as mothers.
So what is with the constant judgmental attitudes about who is a better mommy? Why are women playing into this crap?
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Not too suprising...
I'm a father of four little boys. My wife is an Ivy-League educated stay-at-home mother. We both agree that this is the right choice for us (I have no interest in joining the Mommy Wars, so I make no recommendations for other families). But there are a number of reasons why it's not always satisfying for her:
1. It's frickin' hard work! Both physically and emotionally. I love our kids dearly, but they are a PITA a good portion of the time! That's not a criticism of them, just an observation. They're normal, strong-willed kids.
2. It's thankless work. Sure, nothing beats those moments when our kids give her spontaneous hugs and kisses, but those moments aren't proportional to the time commitment. I get that love too, and I'm only on the kid-clock for a few hours each weekday. It's been observed by lots of people that one good thing about working is that sometimes people actually appreciate you, and it's nice to be appreciated.
3. It can be devoid of intellectual stimulation. My wife can't easily make 5 minutes to read and respond to an article on Salon; she's too busy breaking up fights, cleaning up spit-up (our youngest is 3 months), etc. In our case, we try to make sure she gets out of the house with adults from time to time (book group, local political groups, etc.). She also tutors a bit (she was/will be a high school teacher), which she clearly finds fulfilling.
4. There's no obvious standard of achievement. My wife gets a little sad whenever she reads our college's alumni notes; many of our (demonstrably inferior, of course, ha ha) classmates are doing notable things. She and I know that raising four boys as well as she does is a glorious achievement, but it's not exactly headline material.
I'd be interested in seeing how happy women are over the balance of the whole child-rearing cycle. I know, for one, that my wife will never have to think about "what if I had only spent more time with the kids..."
As a Dad, I'd love to fit more family into the work/family balance. I'd love to work part-time, and spend more time with them. Ideally, my wife and I would switch stay-at-home duty every couple years (and yes, I would probably find it less satisfying in the short-term). But alas, even though she's my intellectual superior, my career track brings home more $, so I get to noodle around on Salon at lunch whilst she's getting the boys to eat the healthy part of their lunch...