Letters to the Editor
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I just wish
more people could/would *choose* to have kids, instead of accidentally getting pregnant and winging it.
That would mean decent sex ed and complete access to affordable birth control (regardless of income).
Maybe this year, Santa!
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shoulda read
...*choose* to have (or to not have) children ...
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Follow your heart
I think people should follow their hearts regarding having or not having children.
If you want them, have them. If you don't, don't.
Don't be a population nazi, and don't be a 'babies are the only reason to live' nazi.
More tolerance = better earth.
I never wanted kids, still don't and I'm 35. Not a trace of maternal mania.
OTOH -- even though the thought of having my own children repulses me -- I literally shudder at the thought -- my nieces, nephews, and stepchildren adore me and clamor to be around me, often even above their own parents. Why? Because I have the time, resources, and detachment to treat them as creative, thinking, and autonomous individuals.
We all do our part. Yours might not be pushing. Or it might.
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Reality check
Thanks, hoser. Madison Avenue goes uptown.
So Madison Avenue is a one-way street, then? I'd never heard that one.
As to all the brouhaha, I'm not particularly sympathetic. The day these publications start printing well-balanced, interesting articles on the advantage of NEVER HAVING CHILDREN AT ALL, then I'll feel the subject is being handled equitably. As it is, all these articles, whether clumsy or sophisticated, witty or dull, carry the same tone: that women really want babies, and that's the best thing they can want!
Thanks very much, but I'm not a baby machine, and neither is any other woman. How about some encouragement, in this era of pollution, climate change and other such calamities, for women to decide NOT to do the deed? The more society in general begins showing approval and appreciation for those of us who aren't prolonging the problem, the more women will realize that having kids is NOT the way to achieve immortality. (Because you know, there's nothing in this world that will achieve that. Have one kid or 17, you're still gonna die. Get used to it, and stop making the world pay for your insecurities.)
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Narcissism
2) Perhaps one of the chidren being born today will SOLVE the enviromental/energy crisis. It's obvious no one alive today is able to. Perhaps it's YOUR child who will do it!
Highly unlikely. Of the 6 billion people on earth, we have maybe 100 or so who are visionary enough to solve (with the support of many other people who they can sway/influence/hire) some of the problems of the environmental/energy crisis. This is not a solo job.
Your little snowflake has, well, a snowflake's chance in hell of being the one person who will solve it. The odds favor yet another entitled middle class person who thinks that plastic wrapped imported "organic" ready made meals from Trader Joe's are "earth friendly" and who sit in their "hybrid" Ford Escapes during rush hour traffic.
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They do sneak up on you...
My mother was 38 when she had me. She hadn't met the right person, and even after getting married wasn't sure she wanted to have a child. I was a 'trying but not desperate' kind of baby.
I myself am not the maternal type. I admit it. I also think people who are not maternal shouldn't be pushed into having children. Thankfully my family just isn't that way. Having said all that I completely understand how your 40s can just sneak up on you. I'm finally in a career I like (after bouncing around in a couple of different ones), yet on the next birthday I'll be 42. If I had been the type to want children I wouldn't have considered myself in the 'right space' until perhaps about 4 years ago. It was just after a layoff and starting with another company that I've been with since. Although at the time perhaps I wouldn't have felt so secure.
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Tolerance
It is always interesting (and incredibly sad) to read the letters that touch upon infertility. I am awed by the sheer number of people who attack their fellow humans for having children. It seems absurd to complain that others are utilizing precious resources by having children when one is doing the same by just being alive.
I have an idea, how about we acknowledge that people are different and find different things important. If you aren't interested in having children, please don't. But, and this is a big but, please don't pat yourself of the back too much. You are still an American and even if you are living "green" you are still using a lot of those resources for yourself. I won't suggest that you should off yourself to fully realize your desire to limit global warming.
Also, I didn't have a child to gain immortality, that is so creepy I don't even know how that letter writer came up with the idea.
That said, I'd also like to smack all of the assholes who harass the childfree about not having children. Why can't we all just get along??
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Does it ever "make sense"?
Does it ever really, actually, "make sense" to have children? The world is full of people who come up with all kinds of reasons to have kids now, have kids later, wait until such-and-such a milestone or life event or savings goal or what have you — but at the end of it all is one actually any better prepared for children than otherwise? Is there any time of life when having a child is not basically the equivalent of experiencing a major personal catastrophe? An explosion of noise, confusion, mess, and panic not unlike a bomb? When is a "good" time for that sort of thing?
It seems to me that what it boils down to is screwing up the courage you need to do something scary, and the real question for each of us is how we handle that kind of challenge. Some of us find courage after saving enough money to feel secure, others by achieving a degree of order in their lives, still others by realizing personal goals. No matter what, in the end you still take a deep breath and throw yourself into something for which you are fundamentally unprepared. Some people just do it. Some people wait. Some people don't at all — perhaps they have enough other scary things going on.
So the question of whether women (or men) are "waiting too long" to have children is in some sense akin to asking whether one is waiting too long to dive into freezing water. You do it when you do it, you know?