Letters to the Editor
-
@Parson jim
You say that "Where domestic violence is concerned, women are a legally privileged class. People make fun of female-instigated violence, whether against boys or men, because they are uncomfortable about it, and it is taboo in our society."
And I agree with you. The part that bothers me is that you keep blaming feminism for this phenomenon, when it is actually a relic of a strict patriarchal system in which women and children were in the same category of privilege/ownership. (Remember women and children first?) Taking advantage of that system to get what you want is not feminism.
If feminism were causing female-instigated violence, then women like me, in happily egalitarian relationships, would be the ones hitting/hating/killing our husbands.
-
Also
everyone recognizes it is women's role to belittle and put down men as much as possible-- to control them.
So it is funny when a woman has to break the subtle manipulations and pull out the obvious big guns.
It also brings her down to Earth.
-
@melthough
The last time I checked, feminist groups such as NOW and others were behind VAWA and the debacle in California that denies state funding to shelters for male victims of domestic violence.
No "patriarchal" organizations were responsible for this sexism, only feminist ones.
The same groups lobby continually against joint custody legislation in the event of divorce. So it appears children are the chattel of women in the US, a fact about which feminist groups are also in denial.
-
Feminism caused it
by destroying men's will and ego to fight or limit a woman.
granted, some bad men in the past limited what women could do, but today the opposite is true, and a woman will take advantage of her position to do as she pleases, even if it hurts the guy, just because she can.
The goalposts have moved forward.
Men are still limited, even more than usual, and women are less inhibited and limited, to the point where they abuse their position.
Feminism is 100% responsible for this.
-
Not funny, sad.
To feminists and people who care about the lives of their fellow humans, this is not funny at all.
A few years ago, I served on a jury in a case where a woman was accused of beating her husband with a wine bottle. He required several stiches to close a nasty gash in his head. Several of the men on the jury were very hesitant to convict this woman. They wanted to believe that she must have felt physically threatened by her husband. When asked how they would rule if the situation were reversed, these men agreed they would easily convict a man who hit his wife with a wine bottle. But none of us laughed at the situation. We all were genuinely concerned for these two people. We ultimately found the woman guilty on two counts because it was clear to us that she had not acted in self-defense.
The point is that feminism and the women's movement brought domestic violence out into the open. This has had the very positive effect of helping thousands of women out of violent relationships. The next step is for all of us to get serious about domestic violence in all its forms. This goes for homosexual relationships, parent-child relationships, and elder abuse, as well as women abusing their male partners. A violent relationship is not silly or entertaining, it is sad.
-
Not funny - not new - few easy answers
My father's mother was an abusive woman. Among other things, as a child, I saw her grab a hot cast iron frying pan off the cook stove and bash her husband (my grandfather) over the head for no apparent reason. His response was to leave the house - go to the barn (he was a farmer) - drive a truck or tractor somewhere. I never saw him as much as raise his voice to her. He also, to the best of my knowledge, never told anyone outside the family. That was almost 60 years ago. He died in 1974. She died in 1994.
Forty plus years later, as a grown professional man, I still got physically ill any time I had to visit her.
-
sure feminists are interested in helping male victims of domestic violence BUT IF AND ONLY IF
they agree to espouse the feminist party line in all areas, otherwise they deserve whatever they get.
-
No good research at all
Damn straight the research is all over the map, and the field is awash in factoids, disputing gurus, and pundits grinding axes. I expect our 'enthusiastic' posters are shortly going to be sharing many of them with us.
You can account for the high numbers of females hitting men by looking at the definition of "hit" or "violence." You get it broad enough, a playful slug in the shoulder gets counted. (Early in our relationship, I had to sit down with the spousal unit and explain that even though I was a largish athelete, I was not a Gumby doll and it did in fact hurt, even if I acted all manly about it, and could she please stop? She did. But I suppose I could be counted as a male "victim.") There is also the factor that women are going to be a lot less ashamed to self-report than men are.
On the other end, you can account for the violence causing injury statistics being so much higher in women because a) as other posters have pointed out, there is a size/strength differential, and b) once again, women these days are much more likely to tell hospital personnel the truth. Similarly with crime stats.
In my professional experience, I most certainly see women getting damaged rather more often than men, and needing to flee the house. I have seen no signs of an epidemic of husband battering, but it does happen. We are specifically funded to provide shelter for men and their children fleeing abuse; in the last four years not one single request has come in, while at the same time the secure women's shelters are packed. I don't think that this indicates it doesn't happen, my guess is that men tend to have more resources to fall back on and don't need it.
In terms of psychological abuse, my sense is that women have the upper hand there, what with better verbal and social skills, so the victimizers are probably women somewhat more often than men. But just try and come up with a concrete definition of psychological abuse, usable in a research context.
Interestingly, domestic violence & abuse seems to occur at almost the same rate in same-sex relationships of both genders, though somewhat less often than with het couples. The lower likelihood of children in family tends to make it a good deal easier for a victim to flee I suspect, that and there being less social/family pressure to "keep the family together."