Letters to the Editor

Letters posted here are associated with the following article:
What's so funny about abusive girlfriends? News about women's role in domestic violence inspires comedy, as well as cries in defense of men.
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  • just a few days ago the Washington Post reported on how a little girl got away from her attacker by kicking him in the balls (or "groin" as the paper delicately put it).

    OMG, arrest that little bitch! She sexually assaulted him. ;-)

  • to 12:20 anon

    “as long as lots of people like Max think that when females hit males they are severely provoked but when males hit females they are not it's difficult to see how there will be real interest in changing the double standard, as opposed to instituting some ass covering pious lip service.”

    Okay, now you’re just making stuff up. Here’s what I said, sweetie

    “And I’m not excusing women who hit. Hitting is stupid no matter who does it. I’ve disciplined more than one teenage girl for slapping or kicking boys who made them angry. I don’t care how justified they are in their anger, and they are often very justified, they lose my sympathy and get in far greater trouble than the boy, even if his ruthless teasing started it. The idea that because they are “the weaker sex” they can get away with hitting is stupid and I discourage that line of thinking whenever I can.”

    Since you obviously don’t understand what I was saying (you wouldn’t misquote me deliberately now would you?) I’ll explain.

    When I have witnessed a female student hitting a male student, the girl is disciplined. I discipline these girls even when the boy did something to provoke them. Now, I did say that the girls are often justified in being angry with the boy, but I did not say they were always, or even mostly, justified in being angry. I did use the phrase “ruthless teasing” to describe why a girl might be justifiably angry at a boy, but I stated that it’s no excuse for her to hit them. If it makes you feel better, I will put in writing that I have often seen girls hit boys with little or no provocation. And I will also add that the boys who started the disagreement rarely hit back or are bothered by being hit. They usually laugh hysterically, thrilled they got such a violent reaction from their target.

    AND. I didn’t say anything about men hitting women unprovoked. Nothing at all. My basic point was, people shouldn’t hit each other.

    Now, I’m looking at my words and I think they’re pretty clear. So either you lack reading comprehension skills or you are trying to “severely” provoke me. But don’t worry, sweetie, I won’t hit you.

  • women and girls can and do know how to kick men in the balls and use other effective techniques and will do so when it suits them

    and obviously in this case it was highly appropriate that this ability be used. There is absolutely no reason to assume that this ability will not be used whenever it suits the possesor of it to do so. It's kind of odd that you wouldn't get this considering you just spent three paragraphs arguing that this ability is rare. Oh.

  • Brawling couples

    When these people have children the law should prescribe:

    1. Mandatory parenting classes.

    2. Anger management control classes.

    3. Marriage relationship counseling.

    4. Often 12-step programs for substance abuse.

    When these brawls result in serious injury, the children should be removed from the custody of both parents and the parent who inflicted the serious injury should have no unsupervised visitation with the children. Chances are that someone willing to inflict serious injurt on his/her spouse is likely to be dangerous to the children by virtue of temper alone.

    When you see these sorts of cases, there is usually other types of abuse going on as well. The children are often at risk and the courts should evaluate the extent of that risk before returning the children to the home.

    Sadly, this rarely happens.

    _____________________________________________________________

    An interesting story: I once had an older student who claimed that his wife was battering him but he kept getting unfairly arrested. He was unhappy with me as a teacher the minute he set eyes on me. He informed me that a male teacher was supposed to teach the class and that he had "issues" with women.

    I told him that he was free to change his schedule. He was quite offended and demanded a male teacher. I told him to take it up with administration. I was hired to teach the class and contracted to teach the class and I was not changing my plans.

    It turned out that this guy was a total nut and a coke addict to boot. He did everything he possibly could to disrupt the class. He plagiarized every paper he turned in -- one straight off the internet. When I zeroed them, he tried to find out my home phone number and where I lived. He said he wanted to come over to my house personally and address the problem.

    I later found out that he had actually put his wife in the hospital with his blows.

  • max your response just illustrates why female on male violence isn't likely to be treated the same as male on female violence

    and I'm not sure the kind of situation you are describing is really the issue anyway. It seems to me that the vast majority of the violence between men and women involves what Smith describes as brawling couples where the motives are essentially the same for both genders. The difference is that the women are less restrained, more emotional and therefore more easily provoked, but usually there isn't much physical damage to either of them unless or until the man gets REALLY mad and responds in kind to the woman and then it is usually, but not always, the woman who gets the worst of it.

  • anon 2:19

    “and I'm not sure the kind of situation you are describing is really the issue anyway. It seems to me that the vast majority of the violence between men and women involves what Smith describes as brawling couples where the motives are essentially the same for both genders. The difference is that the, but usually there isn't much physical damage to either of them unless or until the man gets REALLY mad and responds in kind to the woman and then it is usually, but not always, the woman who gets the worst of it.”

    I agree, the kind of situation I’m describing isn’t the issue. My original point was that I feel women have no more excuse for hitting men than men do in hitting women. You put words in my mouth and I felt the need to correct that. As for the rest, I don’t believe that “women are less restrained, more emotional and therefore more easily provoked”. I’ve known plenty of men and boys who fly off the handle over the most mundane of issues and women who remain calm no matter how crazy the events surrounding them get. I also disagree with your implication that women only get hurt when men respond “in kind” to their violence. But others in this thread have rebutted that better than I, so I’ll let it rest.

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