including putting up with this, and women, provided the crap level is high enough and given reasonably effective child support enforcement and any capacity to support themselves, are likely to believe they are better off alone. The public discussion reflects this instinctively different approach.

I don't think it's funny at all, it's wrong. I think the reason that you don't see as much about it is this: It is wrong, illegal, stupid and low-class if I hit my husband. I don't and won't. But if I did, it really wouldn't make much impact on him or his health. If he hit me (even hit me back), I would likely end up with a broken nose or orbital blowout fracture. I haven't got the power to really hurt him, and he does have the power (literally) to put me in the hospital.

That's just my theory, brightstar, about why we hear more about m.v.f. domestic violence. It's kind of like car vs. bicycle. For all I know, bikes run into cars all the time. But when cars run into bikes, often someone is gravely injured or dies.

Where domestic violence is concerned, women are a legally privileged class. People make fun of female-instigated violence, whether against boys or men, because they are uncomfortable about it, and it is taboo in our society.

When a woman molests a boy or beats up a man or boy, she is either portrayed as a victim herself, or else is in thrall to a female-specific psychological disorder. If Andrea Yates or Mary Winkler were men, they would both be in prison for a very long time.

This is one area where the right and left-wing feminists are aligned, and legislation such as VAWA and statewide laws allowing funding for shelters that only serve women are part of the reason why this myth persists - it's an industry that feeds off the feminist bigotry that spawned it in the first place.

I think Mary Winkler's dead husband would disagree with you, were he still alive. Of course, having a shotgun blow out your spine and internal organs while you are asleep might be seen as feminist justice, by some....

Yeah, sure - by some ...

PSYCHOPATHS.

Christ.

I think Mary Winkler's dead husband would disagree with you

Did she ever give a reason for this? The only think I heard was something about him wanting her to wear a wig and high heels during sex (seriously, that's what I heard!) That can't possibly be her excuse, can it?

I think all the stats reported on this subject are suspect, for all the reasons already alluded to in the article.

My wife has hit me a number of times. Is it abuse? It didn't really faze me. Did I deserve it? I don't even recall - I just recall being rather startled and thinking "hmm, I guess I must have really hit a button". I'm a gym addict, and pretty strong. If I ever hit my wife (I never have), would that be abuse? If I really wound up and clocked her? Well of course - she'd probably end up in the hospital. What if it was a slap upside the head? Trickier - but I'd still vote 'yes' - because the scare factor is so much higher. I really could do a lot of harm. It's not a symmetric relation in that respect.

Verbal abuse is more interesting to me. Is there a couple alive that haven't had a overtired stressed out shouting match that they later regret? In my house, the debate usually revolves around swearing. When I lose my cool, I swear like a pirate. It's nothing to be proud of, but it's just what my brain starts doing when it's saturated with adrenaline. My wife will swear also, and can be just as foul, but it's less typical. Her MO tends toward just being mean and demeaning. But she'll do it without swearing, and then try to the moral high ground. From where I sit, there's no real difference. However, just like the physical example above, I feel compelled to at least try to live to a higher standard (not that I succeed), because when I'm foaming at the mouth angry, I'm _scary_, while my wife is just really goddamn aggravating.

I'm wondering what other people think. Should men and women be held to different standards when it comes to bad domestic behavior? I really don't know.

One thing I do believe though - people - all people - behave badly sometimes. We're not robots. We don't get enough sleep, we have a bad day, we are pulled in too many directions, the kids aren't behaving, the adrenaline starts to kick in ... some things you just can't rationalize your way out of - you snap. I don't think that qualifies as 'abuse'. I think it's how you behave in the interim that matters most. Are you just a SOB no matter what? Are you a mean drunk? Can you say "I'm sorry" after you collect yourself and return to earth; or do you rationalize your bad behavior as being justified goddamn it?

--anonabad

Seriously, if you're getting beat up by your wife or girlfriend, you are a pussy who deserves to be laughed at.

is it is funny and cute in the same way when you are at a party and someone begins to tell a story of the UFO they saw, or the time an accident happens in front of you as you are going down the street, or when somebody shouts out that they committed some crime and you are the first to hear about it.

It is considered beyond the pale,extraordinary, outside the typical daily routine. Novel maybe, even racy and interesting because it breaks all the fabrications and training and programming society pummels at all of us.

This does not mean women hitting men is uncommon, it is quite common. I have been hit by two women, but I have never hit one myself.

It is also licentiousness in that women know if they hit you, they are above the law. So it makes both parties think it is further outside the programmed sphere of society.

It is also cute because women have a support system and they dfend each other and men defend women (barring a few exceptions), while a guy is not supported by other guys nor by women. Men think he probably deserved it, women think 'so what'.

It is cute til the pan hits your head of course, but that is a different story. I hope more of this stuff comes out in the open for obvious reasons.