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• Friday, October 26, 2007 03:59 PM

  @ fetboy

  I was only married once. That was enough for me.

  Intelligence and common sense are not the same thing. I confess to a healthy IQ, but I don't have a lot of common sense. Also, I married at 19. I went straight from an abusive home to being married. I knew my spouse a little over a year before we were married but he was gone for quite a bit of the time before we were married. He worked far away, travelled riding bulls, and then was drafted into the military. I did not know him well. I once read that in the most sucessful marriages the couples have known each other 2-4 years. I also wish people wouldn't get married until they are at least 25. People really haven't fully developed judgment and a clear sense of themselves until about that age.

  Remember that poor self-esteem is the biggest element in whether or not someone will put up with abuse. My self-esteem was really very poor until my late twenties. I really don't consider myself a physically abused wife. Only by the study mentioned in the article would I be one. Instead, I suffered far more psychological abuse from my ex. To be fair, in a verbal quarrel, I am no sweetie. But I am not manipulative. My ex was extremely manipulative and passive aggressive. He was a rare, but memorable binge drinker. Once or twice a year, he really tied one on.

  If you protect your daughter's self-esteem and show respect to your wife, most likely your daughter will make good choices.

  —AKA Smith Read AKA Smith's other letters
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