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I once had a discussion with another woman about the lengths either of us would go to defend ourselves and/or our children. It turns out that we both believed strongly in a right to self-defense but we both had very different feelings (emotions) about our ability to carry out a defense. No NOT our physical ability but our psychological ability. I have long known that in certain circumstances that I would be willing to kill. She doubted that she could do this, even to protect her children.
We talked of guns. How many shots would you fire? She didn't know if she could shoot at all and she was a much better shot than I am. My answer: Fire until he stops coming.
Now let's look at the domestic situation. I believe that every woman knows that weapons equalize a fight. Most women believe that they are weaker than their male companions. Since my past male companion actually rode bulls and was awarded a championship for this ability, I had no doubt that he was stronger than I. Why, when weapons are available, do women not use them more often to protect themselves from spousal violence. I posit this reason: Precisely because women know that weapons can kill. Women will often not use retalitory violence against their violent spouses because they don't want to hurt them. Sometimes they will act in self-defense using their hands in a protective way, but I have met battered women and most often they are not being battered because they hit first but because dinner was cold when the guy trailed in the door three hours late or because dinner was dried out when she tried to keep it warm so he wouldn't hit her again -- or some other such lame or imaginary reason.
Some of you just don't understand what a truly battered spouse, male or female is like. If you did, you wouldn't make fun of male victims and you wouldn't assume either the male or the female victims did something to deserve it.
I think we need a new paradigm. We need to distinguish brawling couples -- who truly love that nightmare environment -- from DV victims who have lost much of their will and self-esteem do to ongoing abuse by a spouse/GF/BF. The reality of this is just so different from some of the fantasies of some people in this thread.
Women who are loathe to use weapons are not likely to gouge some guy's eyes out. Many women and some men who are consistently battered are often not going to lift a finger in proactive defense of themselves. That is why truly battered men and women need to take shelter and why such shelters need to be available.
