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Read other letters about this article
I must say that I think that the challenges of this life are enough for me. I don't want to come back.
>> Do you feel you learned something from him? If not, then you might have to find him again in a next life. <<
I learned something about power and the lust for power. My ex was a rather undeveloped man, both emotionally and somewhat intellectually. He was emotionally stunted. Only after I divorced him did I learn something rather disturbing about his childhood. I believe that he had been extremely humiliated in his childhood. (He always said that he remembered little of his childhood.)
It will seem odd to say, but when someone hits you, you actually know what you are dealing with. Hitting is direct. There is rarely a hidden agenda to hitting except to vent anger and control the victim. As a strong woman, I would not allow my husband that outlet, which he might actually have indulged with a weaker woman.
I learned that those who will abuse power will always find an outlet. That is why I say, don't suffer abuse. Don't imagine that those who display the more subtle characteristics of an abuser are not giving you clear warning signs. Always, always leave.
People know the difference unless they have been brought up in homes so abusive that they no longer recognize up from down. A person who loses his temper and lets off a bit of steam verbally or a person who is substantially provoked is much different than one who seeks to control and/or punish by whatever means necessary.
It is really a mistake to think that a weak but furious manipulator will not find the means to punish. My ex-husband was always rather envious of me, actually competitive with me. My the time I left him I was no longer under the illusion that he loved me as he always professed. He hated me. I paid.
