Letters to the Editor
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Anon 141
Awesome post with some funny and good points. I guess I was one of the lucky ones in HS, not having to deal with that crap because I had a steady nearly two years older girlfriend who had pursued and 'won' me.
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re: anonymous
The problem is that an adult woman who wants to sleep with a 16 year old boy almost always IS a psycho.
Look, will you read the article and maybe this time pay attention? It's not women or magical feminists saying this is a bad thing; it's men. The article quotes men. Men who have had it happen to them. Men who are asking OTHER MEN to stop being idiots about this. Parson Jim is a man. How come he's not getting attacked for his opinion?
Could you maybe return from the Male Land of Jack-off Fantasies?
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If it was my son
I'd want the woman's head on a platter. Of course, the last time my son and I spoke of this very topic, he seemed to think a sexual relationship with his teacher would be "awesome. Especially if it was Ms. X. She's a hottie." And then my husband agreed. "He's right. She is hot." And what the hell, I agree, too. She is very cute.
But good grief. With men like this surrounding me, I can't get that upset about a kid in his late teens having sex with a teacher in her early 20's. I had far too many guys for friends as a teenager to realize that at that age, they're looking for sex anywhere and everywhere, and living out a Van Halen fantasy wouldn't damage most of them.
Of course, my son is almost 16. An adult having sex with a 12 year old is child molestation, plain and simple.
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LMAO here
Some of the same guys who have been whining about the unfairness of not treating the sexual abuse of boys as serious are now practically advocating for the sexual interaction of young boys being initiated into sex by hot teachers. Yet when that really happens they holler loudly that these women get off to easy compared to men.
You guys are going on record here and I am making a note of these posts. How about it Parson Jim? Is brightstar right that boys should enjoy sexual training by their teachers?
Something stinks here in Denmark. There is a whole lot of hypocrisy going on?
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Laws that Don't Match Reality
Reliance on strict legal codes to define "victim" and "abuse" glosses over some socially unacceptable truths about sex. Obviously, in many cases a student/teacher sexual relationship is the result of coersion and abuse of power. But in other cases, if a teenage boy has sex with an attractive older woman, that's not abuse, at least to him. It's the opposite of abuse, reallyt.
To take it even further, I would argue the same thing is true for girls who have sex with older men. It's a different dynamic because often the man has hierarchal as well as physical power over the girl. But a lot of teenage girls in this world are are getting it on with older men with no physical or pyschological consequences.
To advance the public debate further, I think reseachers and experts need to dig deeper and go beyond the simple "(s)he's 16, (s)he's 25, so it's rape" mindset. People of any age have sex for lots of different reasons. Understanding the nuances would empower teenagers and adults and help protect everyone from predators.
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I have to agree...
...with Brightstar and several other posters. It's very hard to view boys having sex with female teachers as victims when our justice system clearly does not. If this were not the case, women would be serving serious jail time for these offenses just as men do. Then again, how often do women get the death penalty for committing murder compared to men?
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Fantasies and reality and boundaries
I think the pat on the back to teen males comes from the fact that many teen boys at some point had fantasies about older women that never came true. So when they hear about a teen boy actually having sex with the hot to trot teacher, all they think is man is he lucky to have the fantasy realized, since most fantasies remain in the realm of the mind.
I also think, society doesn't think or envision that teen girls have the same sexual fantasies of being with older men, that the fantasy comes from the male half again so the girl becomes victim because obviously she never thinks of boinking her hot teacher.
Each teenager has sexual fantasies about older people we are just still stuck in a society that denies that women can have fantasies, masturbation for men is accepted and expected, while women are still sent the message to explore their own sexuality through masturbation is somehow wrong. Guys trade porn, women hide their vibrators and lie, lie, lie about playing pet the kitty.
Do all of these interactions come to severe harm, maybe yes and maybe no. There is really no way to know if lacking boundaries, having an addiction or other emotional issues are always a direct result of innapropiate or abusive sex when a teen.
But I think mainly, the real issue is that these older people are abusing their power and destroying boundaries and trust younger people are supposed to have and then justifying it to themselves as well they wanted it too!
I think of it as akin to a 5yr old would be pleased as punch to eat junk food all day, every day. It tastes good, it gives a nice sugar high and they are very happy when they get their treats. The adult is supposed to know better, they are older, they know that junk everyday is bad for their health, their teeth and that in the end all that soda, chips and candy is just gonna make them feel like crap.
So when that little 5 yr old gets all that they want they are never the better for it. Why, because something is going to make them wonder why the person they look to for protection and guidence let them eat a bunch of crap that leaves them evacuating from both ends all night and how crappy they feel when the sugar high wears off and then the one with the power looks at them like a little adult and says, well it's what you wanted wasn't it?